Major cheat code for life: Become difficult to rush. The world will pressure you to rush into everything. Rushed decisions. Rushed conversations. Rushed relationships. Rushed timelines. There's immense power in rejecting that trend. Slow down. Create space to think clearly.
In 2018, while working as a community mobiliser on a sexual and reproductive health and rights project in Kano State, we regularly engaged women in rural communities. During one of those sessions, a woman said to us:
“Malama, don Allah, kamar yadda kuke tara mata kuna koya mana abubuwa, don Allah ku dinga tara mazajenmu kuna nuna musu muhimmancin zuwa asibiti da neman magani. Saboda sau da yawa za ki ga muna fama da infection ko sanyi. Idan mun je asibiti an ba mu magani, ana ce mana mu gaya wa mazajenmu su zo su karɓi magani, saboda idan mun warke su ba su warke ba, za su iya sake sa mana cutar. Amma mazajenmu sai su ƙi zuwa asibiti, su ce wai muna tona musu asiri. Wani ma zai iya sakin matarsa saboda ta gaya masa ya je asibiti. Ita kuma idan an sake ta, wani lokacin samun wani mijin yana zama da wahala, saboda ana cewa ba ta iya rufa wa mijinta asiri.”
In translation, she was saying:
“Please, just as you gather women and educate us, we would appreciate it if you also engaged our husbands and taught them the importance of going to the hospital and receiving treatment for sexually transmitted infections. Many times, we suffer from infections and, when we go to the hospital, we are treated and advised to bring our husbands for treatment too, because if we recover while they remain untreated, they may infect us again. But when we ask our husbands to go to the hospital, some become offended and accuse us of exposing their shame. In some cases, a man may even divorce his wife for asking him to seek treatment. A woman divorced under such circumstances may also struggle to remarry because she becomes stigmatised and accused of being unable to conceal her husband’s shame.”
This was in 2018, and in 2026, you are promoting the dangerous idea that a “good wife” is one who hears but pretends not to hear, sees but pretends not to see and remains silent regardless of what her husband does, all in the name of preserving the dignity of marriage.
Who raised you guys to think like this?
Since when did “matar rufin asiri” come to mean a woman who must ignore persistent betrayal, silence herself and protect a grown man from the consequences of his own choices? Do you not realise that protecting the privacy of a marriage is not the same as concealing misconduct or tolerating repeated infidelity or sacrificing one’s dignity, health and peace to preserve a man’s public image.
Islam does not normalise zina or present infidelity as an ordinary male weakness that women must tolerate. It, in contrast, treats sexual immorality as a grave offence. So what makes anyone think it is acceptable to normalise cheating, or gaslight women into enabling wayward partners who behave as though infidelity is their birthright, and then condemn every woman who chooses to walk away because she cannot continue living with a man alleged to be a chronic womaniser?
Why should the responsibility for a man’s discipline, loyalty and sexual conduct be transferred to his wife? Why should she be praised for pretending not to see what threatens her emotional and physical well-being, while he is excused from accountability?
Please do not use this mindset to raise your daughters, whether you have them now or may have them in the future. This thinking is one of the reasons many women are suffering and dying in silence, are repeatedly infected with life-threatening sexually transmitted infections because they are taught that their chastity is synonymous with overlooking their husband’s inadequacies. You’re suggesting women should remain trapped in harmful marriages because society tells them that marriage is “for better or worse” and that a woman’s virtue is measured by how much humiliation, betrayal and danger she can endure without speaking.
A woman who truly loves you and wants the best for you in both worlds would never turn deaf ears or a blind eye to wrongdoing by pretending not to see it.
Ka je ka nema ilimi.
You should have things you don't do, places you don't go to, substances you don't take, words you don't say
By all means, have Principles and Standards.
⚠️ In 2000, Inés Ramírez Pérez from Mexico delivered a healthy baby boy by slicing open her own stomach with a kitchen knife after 12 hours of agonizing labor.
In doing so, she became the only woman in medical history to successfully perform a self-cesarean.
With no electricity or running water, and the nearest hospital 12 miles away, Inés felt she had no other option.
Her previous child had been a stillbirth, so Inés was determined not to let it happen again.
She downed some hard liqor, sliced open her stomach, pulled out her baby and then cut the umbilical cord.
Both mother and baby survived without serious injury… just a scar of honor for Inés for her heroic act ❤️
People fear HIV, but herpes is the most underrated villain in the STI universe. That condom you're trusting? Herpes doesn't care whether you're wearing one or not. Real Demon I swear
"PREGNANCY OPENED MY EYES TO HOW DEEPLY PATRIARCHY HAS FAILED NIGERIAN WOMEN. 😫💔
Four pregnancies. Four beautiful children. Three in Nigeria and one abroad.
I was present throughout all four journeys. During the three pregnancies in Nigeria, I attended virtually every antenatal appointment with my wife. Every scan. Every test. Every check-up. I was there. I was also present at the hospital for the birth of all my children. In fact, all four babies were handed to me almost immediately after their mother carried them after delivery. But that is not even where I am going with this.
During those antenatal visits in Nigeria, I would see countless pregnant women looking exhausted, hungry, stressed and worn out. Some would arrive with babies less than a year old strapped to their backs while carrying another pregnancy. And almost every single time, I would be the only man there supporting his wife. The only man.
Every time we got home, I would ask my wife the same question "Where are the husbands of these women? Is this really how women are treated in the hands of this God-forsaken men?" 😫
I was born and bred in Nigeria, nobody teaches all this things. I read and learnt it myself and I understand the fact that a woman should never go through pregnancy alone.
Then I moved abroad. And my eyes opened even wider. During my wife's last pregnancy, despite working full-time, I never missed a single hospital appointment. Not one. And whenever we arrived, the waiting rooms were full of husbands supporting their wives. Men taking notes. Men asking questions. Men carrying bags. Men holding hands. Men showing up. That was when I realized something. Maybe I was not the normal one in Nigeria. Maybe that was why I always looked odd. Because what I was doing abroad was normal. What I was doing in Nigeria was treated like I was doing something extraordinary.
That was when I truly understood how deeply patriarchy has damaged Nigerian men and, by extension, their wives.
Nigerian men, stop this nonsense. Pregnancy was created by both of you. You may never fully understand what these women are going through physically, emotionally and mentally, but the least you can do is support them with your presence. And please, don't ever compare pregnancy to you going to work.
Look at the picture of my wife during our last pregnancy. Look at her tummy. Look at what her body had to go through just to bring another human being into this world. And you dare compare that to any work in the world? Are you mad or something? 😫
After everything pregnancy does to a woman's body, some of you still call women fat. Some of you still call women lazy. Some of you still call women cranky. Some of you still complain about stretch marks. Haaa. 😫 Every time I looked at my wife during those final months, I was genuinely afraid for her. The physical sacrifice alone was enormous. The discomfort. The sleepless nights. The body changes. The risks.
Men, respect these women. Give them their flowers every single day. They deserve far more than a simple thank you. And as for me, I still tell my wife thank you. Thank you for risking your life four different times for our family. Thank you for carrying our children. Thank you for enduring what I could never endure. Thank you for doing something that neither I, my father, my grandfather nor any man who will ever live can do.
African men wake up from your slumber. Women deserve more than gratitude.
They deserve respects"
*uterus sheds its lining and REGENERATES itself every month*
“a human organ that can self-regenerate - hmm… that’s not interesting at all, let’s never study this.”
- the medical community -