Ricky Lambert

advertising copywriter. quietly tweeting to make my future self laugh in this little corner of the internet

[Ricky Lambert @LambertRicky]

If you can't make it good, make it an NFT.

[Ricky Lambert @LambertRicky]

Vin Diesel is racing for pinks at top speed down the pacific coast highway. The car next to him pulls ahead. He presses the NOS button. Nothing. Giggling comes from the back of the car. We reveal a couple of wooks just depleted his NOS. They ask him to turn up the crunchy tunes

[Ricky Lambert @LambertRicky]

@ColoradoDOT what shut down highway 6 last night around 9pm?

[Ricky Lambert @LambertRicky]

those who can't do, teach. those who can't teach, do real estate

[Ricky Lambert @LambertRicky]

I want to be reincarnated as a Japanese housewife's dog

[Ricky Lambert @LambertRicky]

@BrandonPerna penix in your end zone

[Ricky Lambert @LambertRicky]

“Todays prophets are profits” - a high school punk band right now, somewhere, probably

[Ricky Lambert @LambertRicky]

How do sports announcers pull these stats out of their ass so fast? You know the last time a left-handed redhead defensive lineman got a touchdown at Lambo? October 15th, 1974. It was 8:32pm. The temperature was a cool 63 degrees. Overcast. A fan in row 7 seat 53 was chewing gum.

[Ricky Lambert @LambertRicky]

Two freelancers at an ad event:
- So, where you been working?
You know, around. Here, and there. What about you?
- Same, same. There and here. Here and there.
What clients have you been working on?
- You know, some business-y stuff. You?
Same. Yeah, random stuff.

[Ricky Lambert @LambertRicky]

@Pitcherific @RedRocksCO DM* lol

[Ricky Lambert @LambertRicky]

@Pitcherific @RedRocksCO Can you follow me so I can do you?

[Ricky Lambert @LambertRicky]

@RedRocksCO If anyone left early and has a spare ticket they’re not gonna use please DM me! I’m in the parking lot

[Ricky Lambert @LambertRicky]

So the takeaway from @netflix Beef is that everyone should eat magic mushrooms, right?

[Ricky Lambert @LambertRicky]

Multiverse is the new zombies.

[Ricky Lambert @LambertRicky]

Millennials, with our powers combined, we can help @Iamkelmitchell win an Oscar next. I believe in us

[Ricky Lambert @LambertRicky]

@SouthPark Stan Marsh is alive in Colorado

[Ricky Lambert @LambertRicky]

Nobody:

Guy opening a banana upside down: This is the way monkeys do it!

[Ricky Lambert @LambertRicky]

Credit Card Company: Good news! You have accrued 294,092,489 points!
Me: Awesome!! How much money is that?
Credit Card Company: About $3.50

[Ricky Lambert @LambertRicky]

Who won't @GratefulDead do a collab with? I'm starting to think they're not above throwing a lightning skull on a bottle of @Pepto

[Ricky Lambert @LambertRicky]

Yeeshzy

[Ricky Lambert @LambertRicky]

Twitter's gone from disorganized Reddit to disorganized 4chan