Landon Beard

I'm a musician on tour with Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons. I try and be funny on here and fail every time.

[Landon Beard @Landooner]

Hey @Avis I rented a car from you today. Pre-paid. Showed up. Zero cars. Now you’re telling me to try renting again tomorrow for 1 less day AND twice as much money. Your customer care line is a disgrace!!
FIX IT.

[Landon Beard @Landooner]

@WoodySHW what’s your favorite resort you always go to in Cabo?

[Landon Beard @Landooner]

@realDonaldTrump Loser. Multiple Times.

[Landon Beard @Landooner]

@TwitterSafety @realDonaldTrump Delete his account forever.
He should NEVER have your platform again. @TwitterSupport @Twitter @TwitterSafety

[Landon Beard @Landooner]

The Confederate battle flag has reached the United States Capitol building, something that did not happen during the Civil War.

[Landon Beard @Landooner]

@realDonaldTrump No. You. Didn’t.

[Landon Beard @Landooner]

@timothydunn @SanfordsAstoria @OleMissMurph And ALL the drinks. Iced Coffee, Diet Coke, ice water, grapefruit juice, Bloody Mary, Mimosa and a Coors Light. With the breakfast quesadilla no onions. Thanks.

[Chris Hayes @chrislhayes]

this is...kidnapping

[Landon Beard @Landooner]

#VOTE

[Ben Rosen @ben_rosen]

FOUNDING FATHER: we must always have an electoral college and 2 senators per state

ME: ok but what if 40 million people live in california

FOUNDING FATHER (spits out tea prepared by a slave): there’s HOW many people in WHAT

[Landon Beard @Landooner]

@TKovachNashvil @BlueBloods_CBS @WillEstes101 @vrayskull I don’t think they are. :)

[Lamar White, Jr. @LamarWhiteJr]

At 2 in the morning, hundreds of Ted Cruz supporters all woke up to issue the same exact statement on Twitter. Nothing suspicious about this. Nope. These are all just proud, patriotic American citizens, all deep in the heart of Texas.

[Senator Dianne Feinstein @SenFeinstein]

Brett Kavanaugh used materials stolen from Democratic senators to advance President Bush's judicial nominees. He was asked about this in 2004, 2006 and this week. His answers were not true. https://t.co/YNYOyJUiDC

[Blue Bloods @BlueBloods_CBS]

It's official! 😍 RT to show how excited you are that Jamie & Eddie are FINALLY together. #Jamko #BlueBloods

[Landon Beard @Landooner]

Eddie and Frank run away together and join the circus.
—-Spin off show—-
👮🏼‍♀️🤡🤡🤡🤵🏻 https://t.co/mQJslsWv8J

[Landon Beard @Landooner]

That @vrayskull. WHAT A BABE!!!! https://t.co/bZUVAggMVE

[Blue Bloods @BlueBloods_CBS]

Eddie..you’re one popular lady.

💐😏👮‍♀️⁉️ https://t.co/88KHbWVXuT

[Landon Beard @Landooner]

The urinal cakes at Cleveland Airport have fruit flies.
So that's right on par with the rest of the world.