Woodie Nelson

I own a @buccaneers Super Bowl Flag and a garage

[dev 2 @devy_nation]

she asked if ive seen the odyssey and I told her I odyssey them titties

[The Textman 🇳🇬 @MarchVeryOwn4]

left bronny in la like a reverse fresh prince

[Woodie Nelson @LawDaddy239]

@chungusbig9012 @MadMenQts He didn’t have plans bc it was a surprise from Megan and he never liked birthday parties so he didn’t have plans. Whole point of the scene is the surprise is almost leaked

[the @Amanseeks]

I support the Bugs in Starship Troopers for their crusade against Argentina.

[jelly_fish_456 @astral444444444]

let’s play a drinking game. whenever i finish a beer you have to run to the fridge and get me another it’ll be so fun

[big dog you are mother i mean they @finelylesberg]

the actual point of college is you're supposed to try and make friends or just meet as many people as possible so one of them can get you a job at their company. nobody told me this before college either, my condolences to all of us

[sev @t0rmentedd]

She’s just using me for my below average penis and my slightly overweight body and my empty bank account

[hersch @tittyrespecter]

started smoking while drunk again, and there are actually zero negative effects on my life because the alcohol forms a protective layer around my lungs. a lot of people don’t know this

[Degen CPA @DrewVento]

Bringing a white girl a $9 coffee is a sign of great respect in their culture.

[Denzel Rust @AdemLuz]

Everyone is always rooting for you. Your parents want you to be a great son. Wife wants you to be a great husband. Your boss wants you to be a slam dunk hire. Every first date you’ve ever been on they’ve been rooting for you to get laid. Every time you started to tell a joke people hoped it would have a hilarious punch line. Your proximity to anyone is a reflection of themself, meaning the deck is never stacked against you, and your failures are completely your own

[christian🐬🫍 @lunasnowgroupie]

why my mom talking like conquest

[⚝ @gloxxexi]

whole tl rn

[gina_scooter @gina_scooter]

This country's really going off the rails. You used to only have to dodge 3-4 malicious links to watch a free sports stream. Now they want you to dodge 5-7 just to unmute the volume.

[Jason Pargin, author of John Dies at the End, etc @JasonKPargin]

The greatest dread you can feel as an adult is when you've been ignoring a problem or situation for a long time with the unspoken assumption It's Probably Fine, then all at once you are forced to look at it closely and you are gobsmacked by the True State of It.

[Carljob 🇵🇸 🇮🇪 @bornposting]

Don Draper might not be a mobster like Tony Soprano or a drug kingpin like Walter White but he's an advertising executive which morally makes him the worst

[UwUTangClan @Executivejeff1]

my boss doesn't appreciate my "it's really not that serious" vibe I bring to the workplace

[Crisis of Conscience @crisisofconsc]

I don't know how Microsoft isn't embarrassed by how bad the search functionality is in Outlook. I could be looking for something from YESTERDAY and it'll be like "nope never heard of that email try again"

[Nerdy-Weirdo @Nerdy_Weirdo]

No papi I no black I viltrumite