Reasons I’ve Swiped Left

Just a girl. Swiping through guys. And judging herself for her choices.

[Reasons I’ve Swiped Left @LeftSwipedAgain]

Here’s an anniversary I’d rather not be celebrating 😂😂

[Reasons I’ve Swiped Left @LeftSwipedAgain]

Because I can’t meet you in real life, but if I did I just know you’d be Toronto Bro #4 to “show me a little known place” that’s actually just U of T.

[Reasons I’ve Swiped Left @LeftSwipedAgain]

Because I like to think that I’m an accepting person but this is just so far outside the realm of good and decent behaviour

[Reasons I’ve Swiped Left @LeftSwipedAgain]

Because I think it might be too soon for you to be back on the apps. Just a hunch.

[Reasons I’ve Swiped Left @LeftSwipedAgain]

Because my profile has one (1) photo of me in a tent while car camping in literal Oshawa and you just got back from a five day backcountry canoe trip please believe me when I say that we are not the same and this is for the best

[Reasons I’ve Swiped Left @LeftSwipedAgain]

Because we all know that being a “botanist horticulturist” means you work for a weed startup

[Reasons I’ve Swiped Left @LeftSwipedAgain]

Because there are a lot of things I want to know about potential matches, but your opinion on ska music isn’t one of those things

[Reasons I’ve Swiped Left @LeftSwipedAgain]

Because according to your bio you’re a surgeon, a landlord, and an entrepreneur and I feel like that’s just a bouquet of red flags

[Reasons I’ve Swiped Left @LeftSwipedAgain]

Because your pickup line started with “I ain’t no Michael Angelo, but” and my finger moved left so fast I don’t actually know it ended

[Reasons I’ve Swiped Left @LeftSwipedAgain]

BECAUSE THIS ISN’T A FACT, IT’S JUST SPELLING?!?!

[Reasons I’ve Swiped Left @LeftSwipedAgain]

Cheers to everyone who liked the previous tweet with a million typos for the medieval times knights alone

[Reasons I’ve Swiped Left @LeftSwipedAgain]

Because despite what the algorithm seems to think, I don’t know that I’m compatible with poker players and/or knights from medieval times.

Also, how are there so many of both?

[Reasons I’ve Swiped Left @LeftSwipedAgain]

@wackyjackie93 @_madelenka Let me reassure you all of my intentions - this man was not a professor

[Reasons I’ve Swiped Left @LeftSwipedAgain]

Because “pondering the cosmos” cannot be your full-time job it just CAN’T.

[Reasons I’ve Swiped Left @LeftSwipedAgain]

Because you’re very cute and I would swipe right but I don’t meet your standards so.... I think I’m doing you a favour? Would this qualify as catfishing?

[Reasons I’ve Swiped Left @LeftSwipedAgain]

Because a bio that states, “not looking to marry again” is a lot to take in at the age of 27.

[Reasons I’ve Swiped Left @LeftSwipedAgain]

Because every picture of you is either you in a mask, you in a housecoat, or you - confusingly - wearing both at the same time.

[Reasons I’ve Swiped Left @LeftSwipedAgain]

@davitadesroches

[Reasons I’ve Swiped Left @LeftSwipedAgain]

Because you seem exactly like the kind of person I do not want to be texting

[Reasons I’ve Swiped Left @LeftSwipedAgain]

@awkotacoonline 😂😂 for real!! I was like “huh. 0/8.”

[Reasons I’ve Swiped Left @LeftSwipedAgain]

Because I will be nothing but a disappointment