Lexi Jones

When I die bury me inside the Disney store.

[Lexi Jones @LexiJD]

Last week I bought this Pete the Cat print to hang in my bathroom, and today Salem reminded me why.

[Lexi Jones @LexiJD]

@Apple @AppleSupport Fix this glitch and get me my contacts back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Lexi Jones @LexiJD]

@ben_304 COME CAMPING WITH US IN 1 MONTH BOOK YOUR FLIGHT NOW NO I HAVE NOT BEEN HACKED. YOU WILL ENJOY AMERICAN CAMPING!

[Ryan @rgabak]

Every week I ask my wife to pick all the NFL games. I throw 50 cents on the parlay. Her rationale for her picks are great. The highlights: Rams win because she’s an Aries, Packers lose because she hates Todd Packer, Jags and Colts win because Jason Mendoza and Mike Heck.

[Kelsey @kelseyr713]

.@LexiJD: “Drunk Lexi just wants sober Lexi to meet her in the middle.” #KelseyQuotes

[Kelsey @kelseyr713]

Jacob: Me and Nathan are starting a book club.
Me: Oh! What are you reading first?
Jacob: We’re gonna watch one episode a week of Drake and Josh.
Me: That’s not a book.
Jacob: If you put subtitles on, it’s like reading.
#KelseyQuotes

[Lexi Jones @LexiJD]

@cartwrightcat good morning 🌞

[Tim Allen @ofctimallen]

See ya soon Woody, you are a sad strange little man and you have my pity. And off we go to a number 5! To infinity and beyond!

[Kelsey @kelseyr713]

.@MetalGeekMark: “They closed fifteen minutes ago.” @LexiJD: “We’re still here though.” #KelseyQuotes

[Lexi Jones @LexiJD]

Mom: It’s man-made quartz
Me: man-made pork?
Amanda: man-made porn?
Andrew: mayonnaise porn?
Amanda: Ryan’s favorite

[Lexi Jones @LexiJD]

Ryan: I just found cream cheese on my arm, which is kind of gross… wait no, that’s lotion

[Kelsey @kelseyr713]

.@Lizzie_molloy: “The spa allows pets.” @LexiJD: “Good, we can bring Kelsey.” #KelseyQuotes

[Lexi Jones @LexiJD]

@kelseyr713 Angel??? 🤔

[Kelsey @kelseyr713]

Laura to @LexiJD: “Let me finish your eyeliner before I get really drunk.” #KelseyQuotes

[Lexi Jones @LexiJD]

Too bad this wasn’t actually the plot

[Lexi Jones @LexiJD]

“Hocus Pocus 2, but basically The 40 Year Old Virgin because Max is still a virgin.” -@rgabak

[Lexi Jones @LexiJD]

*bathroom light flickers continuously*
Me, an adult that keeps up on household maintenance: we need to replace the bulb
Ryan: or it’s Vecna
Me, an adult tha…: 😳 *doesn’t sleep*

[Lexi Jones @LexiJD]

@cartwrightcat Absolutely!!!!

[Lexi Jones @LexiJD]

@BingoVanGoGo @BeccySpeedie @LootCritter Eleven was born and raised in the lab. Some of the other kids (I would assume like 001) were born outside the lab and brought in so would have prior knowledge and social skills.

[Lexi Jones @LexiJD]

@kelseyr713 I need this to hang in my house 🖼

[Lexi Jones @LexiJD]

🙋🏻‍♀️

[Lexi Jones @LexiJD]

@makrinaloves I love metal, hip hop, or a good Disney Princess ballad 😂 for some reason they motivate me. Podcasts or a Netflix show are great too for elliptical / stair master / equipment like that.

[Lexi Jones @LexiJD]

*Henry singing “50 Nifty United States”*

Henry: I sing this song when I’m sad.