Hilaria

Mami to 7 Baldwinitos- including twins born 5 months apart. Duolingo Brand Rep. Tweeting in Spanish accent. Guest Baldwin Forever. An authentic parody.

[Hilaria @LicenseToHil]

Being fake is when I am my most real.

[Hilaria @LicenseToHil]

Gracias, I love my new sweatshirt! And it was muy nice of you to include Ireland. Unrelated, but do any of my followers have any tips on how to remove chainstitching?

[Hilaria @LicenseToHil]

Alec took this pic of me sleeping.

[Hilaria @LicenseToHil]

It was so nice seeing Meghan last night. I feel such a sense of sister-ship with her. We’re both women, both minorities, both bullied for being who we are. It’s just like we’re twins- two bores from different señors.

[Hilaria @LicenseToHil]

Yes, my babies are all sick, including my dos month old, but the people of Ukraine needed me. And as someone who knows what it’s like to be unfairly attacked, I wanted to stand in solidarity with them.

[Hilaria @LicenseToHil]

If this gets 100 likes I will carry Alec in the front facing baby carrier.

[Hilaria @LicenseToHil]

It was so nice leading a yoga class again. I would say that I had to “dust off” my shiny yoga pants but I literally NEVER take them off.

[Hilaria @LicenseToHil]

I hope everyone gets the chance to listen to the nueva episode of my podcast. One of my favorita witches is a guest- Tia Hilda from Sabrina the Teenage Bruja. I bet you didn’t know that her full name is actually Hildaria!

[Hilaria @LicenseToHil]

I hope all of my fans tuned in to my interview on Extra to watch me struggle to hold a conversation and my baby!

[Hilaria @LicenseToHil]

I’m thinking of using this pic for my Christmas card.

[Hilaria @LicenseToHil]

Boop. On my way to Drag Queen story hour. I’ll be reading from Las Travesuras de La Niña Mala.

[Hilaria @LicenseToHil]

I was leaving this mañana, and let’s be honest, when am I not doing that? Anyway, one of the dedes (they’ve called themselves that since birth!) ran over to make sure I wasn’t forgetting my phone, or as she calls it, my third mano.

[Hilaria @LicenseToHil]

Alec is always spying on me when I go out. Here is trying to be blend in as a christmas tree. At least it’s better than when he goes around the city in a trash can. It’s BYOC (bring your own creep) when I’m out with my amigas.

[Hilaria @LicenseToHil]

I made the nannies take this video. I really should consider actually paying them. They do so much!

[Hilaria @LicenseToHil]

I took a pequeño Twitter break to take care of my all of the Baldwinitos. I’m totally kidding!!!! I was out all week with my friends, or at least, that’s what I’m calling the doorman.

[Hilaria @LicenseToHil]

Alec was so mad at me for being out but since I’m so weird. Just the weirdiest weirdo ever, I decided to troll him by wearing the shirt I make him put on when we make amor.

[Hilaria @LicenseToHil]

I’m sorry if some of these words don’t make sense in this order but I’m using a template and the pages fell on the floor, which es dirty, and I tried to put it together the best I could but my native language is so tricky sometimes.

[Hilaria @LicenseToHil]

I think we can all agree that I speak for all women and repressed groups. I’m pretty much the Lorax, so here is my statement about womanworld and hating detain groups and being brainwashed to journal integrity and influence screen culture. We prey on these articles which is wrong

[Hilaria @LicenseToHil]

but also click this link to a Hello magazine article to learn what my reaction to Alec opening up a can of cranberry sauce was. Es deemed ok because I was controlling what Hello wrote and that’s GIRL POWER woman world feminine mystique witch warrior magic coven camaraderie and

[Hilaria @LicenseToHil]

Our witch of the semana is Clara Bow- a woman who always spoke her mind, except in her films which are as silent as my nannies. She was a flapper, just like I was, because we were so behind in España that the Jazz Age actually took place in the nineteen noventas.

[Hilaria @LicenseToHil]

More of my weird witch caca: some have a third eye but I have a third nipple and that third nipple has its own hand- that’s why I never have to hold the pump. Having tres nipples really helps with milk production and so does filling the bottle up with oat milk before the pic