Alexandra Brown

🍾💁🏻‍♀️

[S.🎧 @1ssve]

I fucking DESPISE annual corporate self-review and goal setting. My goal is to get a paycheck every couple weeks

[mads @m4dder4ll]

One day you turn 29 and the top drawer of your nightstand contains a 140 count tums container, a knife, vibrators, and a gabapentin prescription

[Alexandra Brown @LikeAWholeThing]

@MattWallace888 West Wilson lol

[Alexandra Brown @LikeAWholeThing]

@zionszzn This is the most normal thing anyone could do!

[Chris @iamchriscorooo]

We can start drinking for Memorial Day rn if ya want

[𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 @OrevaZSN]

Me: Hey, can you print this black and white document?

Printer: I am offline.

Me: No, you are not. Can you please just print this black and white document?

Printer: With my MAGENTA low??? Bro, you sound insane right now.

[ARROW @phresh_arrow]

if you’re 34 and don’t have kids, you’re
actually 28.

[◥◤Kriston Capps @kristoncapps]

Little Free Library in Petworth is just three issues of Foreign Policy. DC is not a real town

[💫𝓓𝓮𝓶𝓸💫🪐 @Demo4fhs]

Nobody is more surprised than your boss hearing about your PTO for the second time.

[Jill Gutowitz @jillboard]

me seeing the first song i ever streamed on spotify

[𝒢𝒾𝓁𝒷ℯ𝓇𝓉 @AbakpaJob]

In fairness to Jesus, "One of you will betray me" is a great dinner party conversation opener.

[G. F. Allen @AuthorGFAllen]

Have you ever finished a book and immediately thought, “Yep, I need to read everything this author has ever written”?

[eto @etoeth]

why im out here in clarendon

[Alexandra Brown @LikeAWholeThing]

@RealityByAshley Leah was the beginning of the end

[S.🎧 @1ssve]

I used to have so many grandiose plans for my career, and now my goal is “least annoying WFH job for most pay”

[Alexandra Brown @LikeAWholeThing]

@mattadler81 Stop is this AI? lmao

[ʙɪɢ ᴇɴᴏ @Enojnr_]

I wanna leave Twitter alone but can’t… it’s like a ghetto newspaper 🗞️😭

[S.🎧 @1ssve]

It's bare minimum friday, don’t you let that job stress you out today

[S.🎧 @1ssve]

"Oh for fuck's sake what now" - me when asked to do the job I was hired to do