milkman

[milkman @LikeMilkMan]

if i was left handed i would kill myself

[milkman @LikeMilkMan]

do left handed people pray with their left hand

[❥ 𝑪𝒐𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒆 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑭𝒂𝒏𝒔 ❥ @tonyhawktruther]

“Love Island…” That sounds beautiful. I would love to see it for myself one day.

[milkman @LikeMilkMan]

Im trying out this new viral food hack where I eat food and then poop it out several hours later. I have never done this before

[milkman @LikeMilkMan]

At least I don’t have longer covid

[milkman @LikeMilkMan]

i bet it feels good as fuck to speak now instead of forever holding your peace

[❥ 𝑪𝒐𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒆 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑭𝒂𝒏𝒔 ❥ @tonyhawktruther]

For every 10 mph faster over 50mph, your risk of dying in a crash doubles. Let’s all take our feet off the gas pedal and take a moment to remember what’s really important.

[milkman @LikeMilkMan]

derp throat

[milkman @LikeMilkMan]

gay obama be like “hey guys whats up?”

[milkman @LikeMilkMan]

A beautiful woman named The Police is knocking on my door

[milkman @LikeMilkMan]

my job sends me the same amount of money every 2 weeks. if i can find a way to live forever, i may have found an infinite money glitch

[milkman @LikeMilkMan]

Amazing account

[SpongeBob Opinions and Takes @spongeopinions]

"Squidward and Plankton are one of the most underutilized pairings of the main cast and it’s a shame that nearly all their episodes turn out to be snoozefests, Chum Fricassee was the only good one"

[milkman @LikeMilkMan]

Ladies, how many velcro-based items can a guy own before it gives you the ick? What if it’s just his shoes and belt?

[milkman @LikeMilkMan]

Seperate the sandwich from the artist

[milkman @LikeMilkMan]

L’mao

[milkman @LikeMilkMan]

when they ask if i want mushrooms on my steak, i feel like I have to say yes

[milkman @LikeMilkMan]

can you be old and have a huge penis or is it like being tall where it makes you die sooner

[milkman @LikeMilkMan]

A total DISASTER by a person who has NO FUNNY TWEETS and never did! My "friend" (if you can call him that!) is desperately begging for my GREAT CONTENT because his own timeline is a Ghost Town. Sad! He is very weak and confused. I will NEVER stop winning for my fans!

[beefsteak @roachmilker]

To add to this he has also harassed me for funny tweets to post. No one has the right to harass him or his audience for this and in the words of a great man I tell you; "stand back and stand by"