Little White Lion

[The Cultured Ruffian @CulturedRuffian]

INSTRUCTIONS FOR FITTED SHEETS:

1) Know when to hold em.

2) Know when to fold em.

3) Know when to walk away.

4) Know when to run.

[liv ☆ @biglittlebis]

"THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!"
2012: omg please no
2016: are we doing this or not

[Ash (an female) ⚪️ @adult_mom]

Another 9 months of pregnancy and 18 years of child rearing actually seems less daunting than swimsuit shopping right now.

[Ash (an female) ⚪️ @adult_mom]

Disposing of the dead flowers and cleaning the vase should be part of the Mother's Day gift.

[AJ Stevens (Minion) @miffedmim]

Dear Fellow Americans, can we all agree to write in "literally anyone else" on our ballots this November?

[Walking Outside in Slippers @WalkingOutside]

Have kids so the only thing hot and heavy in your house anymore is the laundry setting.

[alexa @TheWoodenslurpy]

If a woman asks if she looks fat, it's not enough to say "no." You must also act very surprised by the question. Jump backwards if necessary

[Ash (an female) ⚪️ @adult_mom]

Putting my 5 yo in soccer was basically me watching my kid pick weeds while a Richard Simmons wannabe took my money and gave away my snacks.

[Kate Hall @KateWhineHall]

Indoor water parks are like the wet version of Walmart.

[Ash (an female) ⚪️ @adult_mom]

It's cute how I check a mirror to fix my hair before leaving the house, as if my whole life isn't a mess.

[Abby Heugel @AbbyHasIssues]

For those who think humans are the most intelligent species, let me remind you bears have been hibernating for the past few months.

[🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 @3sunzzz]

I have nothing in common with people that decorate their mailbox.

[sweatpants cher🔸 @House_Feminist]

Trying to get right for summer so i just had carrots for lunch with a side of an entire bottle of ranch dressing.

[Sara @smilely_gal]

With my pasty white skin, ample curves, & hatred of manual labor, I would have dominated the 16th century.

[Abby Heugel @AbbyHasIssues]

I just realized that if Minnie Driver married Bradley Cooper her name would be Minnie Cooper and now I need someone to make this happen.

[Rock @TheMichaelRock]

I have never negotiated with terrorists but I have successfully woken up a teenager after Christmas break.

[Ash (an female) ⚪️ @adult_mom]

Sometimes I hang my husband's work shirts on my daughter's pink hangers to remind him that even though he makes the money, I run this place.

[〰 Just Linda 〰 @LindaInDisguise]

Bohemian Rhapsody should be an official unit of measure.

"I can shower in 1 Bohemian Rhapsody."

"Ran a 5K in under 6 Bohemian Rhapsodies."