living with kids

Mom, chauffeur, teacher, maid, ref

[living with kids @livingwithkids]

I’m definitely staying away from any themed cake section in the store tomorrow.

[living with kids @livingwithkids]

I just read tomorrow is National Vagina Appreciation Day. Am I supposed to buy her a gift?

[living with kids @livingwithkids]

Does Hallmark have a section for this?

[living with kids @livingwithkids]

Me: Alexa, start 12 minute timer
Alexa: Do you want to name this timer?
Me: Pork
Alexa: Great. 12 minute Fart timer starting now.

I didn’t see that coming.

[living with kids @livingwithkids]

@GrahamKritzer I walked around the corner and was overcome by a sick feeling. 4's doll was hanging from a rope by her neck. I asked 4 what the doll was doing. "She's on the swing." OOOOHHHHH, of course she is.

[living with kids @livingwithkids]

@pro_worrier_ 4: Knock, knock
Me: Who's there?
4: Orange
Me:Orange who?
4: Orange, banana, apple. HA HA HA

Um, I don't think that's how it goes.

[living with kids @livingwithkids]

@michimama75 Husband: Watching Tour de France on TV
10: Can you start it over and fast forward to the crashes?

Should I be worried?

[living with kids @livingwithkids]

@dadmann_walking Me: Making son eggs
3: so happy
Me: changing bowls, because the bowl was hot
3: "Not the BLUE BOWL!!!!!" Stomps off.
Me: What just happened???

[living with kids @livingwithkids]

Couscous is the new glitter.

[living with kids @livingwithkids]

Someone collected all the old toilet lid covers and made purses?

[living with kids @livingwithkids]

Husband: Something’s burning.

Me: That’s dinner.

Keeping the romance alive.

[living with kids @livingwithkids]

I would like to invite everyone who thinks COVID is a hoax to stay out of the COVID vaccination line. Hypocrisy doesn’t look good on anyone.

[living with kids @livingwithkids]

Want to make sure I get this right. Am I supposed to be extra fancy while I wash the apples or do I wash the apples with something that IS extra fancy?

[living with kids @livingwithkids]

I scrubbed the kitchen floor Monday- if food drops, eat it
Tuesday- 5 sec rule
Wednesday- 4 sec rule
Thursday- 3 sec rule
Friday- 2 sec rule
Saturday- uh
Sunday- not even if you caught it mid-air

[Third Eye Design @3eyedesign]

I'm officially 4 pills a day old

[living with kids @livingwithkids]

My 13 year old turned on the inauguration this morning. I have HOPE.

[living with kids @livingwithkids]

If I read one of my old tweets and it makes me snort, is it ok to “like” it?

[SpacedMom @copymama]

So as it turns out, teaching your kids how to lose that game of Candy Land gracefully was a much more important lesson than you probably realized at the time.

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

Electricity silently flickers at 3 A.M.

Every Alexa in the house with volume at 10:

THERE SEEMS TO BE A PROBLEM WITH YOUR WIFI

[living with kids @livingwithkids]

The “fuzzy dice” of 2021.