Lizzie Duke

What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe through something so small!? 😁

[Lizzie Duke @LizzieDuke]

@LidlGB received this bottle of “Balsamico di Modena” in a Christmas hamper, ruined my salad tonight as it tastes an awful lot like malt vinegar...oh right, that’s because it is malt vinegar. Bit concerning that your products are incorrectly named with the wrong ingredients.

[Lizzie Duke @LizzieDuke]

@sherpa1967 @imacelebrity They are whip scorpions, non-venomous and not at all aggressive, should have made it interesting by putting Black Widows in there 😂

[Lizzie Duke @LizzieDuke]

@AskNationwide Perfect thank you for your prompt response! Lizzie 🙂

[Lizzie Duke @LizzieDuke]

@AskNationwide my debit card expires Sept 2020, I have already tried getting in touch with you guys as I haven’t received a new one yet but have not heard anything back. When can I expect my new card? Thanks

[Lizzie Duke @LizzieDuke]

@JarvisDupont The amount of people lacking any form of sense of humour on this thread is the real crime here!

[Lizzie Duke @LizzieDuke]

@MattBomer @cheyennejackson @iamgreenfield @FinnWittrock I couldn’t name all of them off the top of my head but I know they are all amazing actors and beautiful at that ❤️

[Lizzie Duke @LizzieDuke]

@nxcare @Laurie_Bullas I have done this before during a coach trip to London by asking the driver politely when I have been picked up, but like NX have said they may not have the stop scheduled if there is no one booked on, so it is luck of the draw that you have a nice driver!

[BBC Two @BBCTwo]

The only message you need for #InternationalWomensDay... 👊

[Lizzie Duke @LizzieDuke]

Just binge watched #thestrangernetflix during my poorly, duvet day; I was completely transfixed! @RCArmitage was fabulous and despite desperately needing an early night I just couldn’t stop until finishing the show!

[Lizzie Duke @LizzieDuke]

@MillermanChris @JasonManford I’ve often thought this, would cows go extinct if we stop eating them? They produce large quantities of methane and don’t really do much, I can’t imagine “cow dressage” 🤷🏼‍♀️ I don’t like that any animals are being killed but they are so I don’t want to be wasteful.

[Lizzie Duke @LizzieDuke]

@laydeewells @heywoodbill @KirstieMAllsopp I went to boarding school aged 3.5 to 6 and it was amazing! The schools available on the military base we lived were not suitable for any child, therefore we had a great education and it helped my confidence! It isn’t for everyone but worked for me 🙂

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

An enthusiast end of year conversation:

“Did you have a nice Christmas?”
“Quite quiet, really. Up to much for New Years?”
“Probably just have a quiet one. You?”
“Nothing planned. Haven’t really thought about it to be honest. Made any resolutions?”
“Nah. You?”
“Nah”

[Lizzie Duke @LizzieDuke]

@CharFox91 @nxcare I had a refund last year after they cancelled a coach, they can do it over Twitter using your ticket number and the money took 5 days to get back into my account. I had decent customer service when I had my cancellation so whoever was laughing at you should be outta there! Xx

[Lizzie Duke @LizzieDuke]

@rickygervais watched that Iver episode of Derek season 2 last night, thank you for making me cry like an absolute baby in front of my boyfriend. I hope you got an award for that performance 😭🐶

[Lizzie Duke @LizzieDuke]

@Heatspec We were on that as well, sooo hot when the air con turned off! 🥵

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

More three-word horror stories:

Jumped the queue
You’ll be fine
Just a trim
How are you?
A quick word
Out of milk
Might be fun
Rail replacement bus
Have a dance
Back to Brussels
Contact customer support
View current balance
Meet and greet
You look well
Honestly, you choose

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

Nobody in Britain can believe it’s Christmas next week

[Lizzie Duke @LizzieDuke]

I’m still proud of the lads 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿#ENGvCRO Now for the Croatians to smash the French and we can say we lost to the World Cup winners! 🇭🇷