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Why Job’s Friends Failed Miserably at Comforting
There sat Job. A man who had lost all ten of his children in one day. A man who had lost all his riches in one day. A man who had lost everything, including his health. There he sat atop an ash heap, his body infested with loathsome sores, scraping his skin.
To such a pain-racked, grief-stricken, disconsolate man, what does one say?
Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar, the three “friends” of Job, each said the same thing in their own way: “Obviously, Job, you are harboring some secret sin. Confess and turn to God. Then he will restore you.”
In the theology of these men, there was no room for an innocent sufferer. Job must have committed some sin that prompted God to punish him. For these men, the righteous are rewarded and the wicked are punished. A cut-and-dried theology. A always leads to B.
This same thinking was expressed by the disciples of Jesus, who said of the man born blind, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” (John 9:2).
This same thinking still infests people today, especially those who attribute worldly success or riches to a God-pleasing life, and sickness or suffering to a God-displeasing life. “If you have enough faith, if you please God, then he will reward you with material prosperity or physical healing.” A always leads to B.
The story of Job plants a fist in the face of this lie. Indeed, the only perfect, sinless, truly innocent man who ever lived, Jesus, suffered more than any man before him or since.
Why do people suffer? Yes, sometimes for their sins, but also for any number of reasons—the fallenness of the world, the evildoing of others, and sometimes for reasons of which God alone knows.
Rather than answering “Why?,” the Scriptures point us to the “Who?” Who is with us in suffering, upholds us, and carries us through it? The Man of sorrows and suffering himself, Jesus the crucified, who will one day restore all believers in the resurrection of the body and the life everlasting.
In the famous experiment, participants were asked to watch a video of two teams, one in white and one in black, passing balls back and forth. They were to count how many times the white team passed the ball.
The answer: 15. Easy, right?
Then the researcher asked them a follow-up question: Did you see the gorilla?
Wait...what gorilla? About half of the participants totally missed the gorilla, even though a man in a gorilla suit walked right into the middle of the players, stood there for a second or two, beat his chest, and walked away.
The gorilla was in plain sight, but unseen by half the people. How? Why?
Simply put, our minds cannot take in everything our eyes observe, so we exercise selective vision or attention.
We truly see only so much. We miss the gorilla.
I often think of this experiment when pondering congregational life as well.
We might ask: Did you see the "gorilla" in church?
When you parked your car, did you see that someone—I wonder who?—had mown the grass, shoveled the snow, or got there early to unlock the doors and start the coffee?
Did you see the clean bathroom sinks, vacuumed carpet, and swept floors?
Did you see the widow sitting alone? The visitor who had problems following along in the service? The organist or other musician who spent hours this week practicing?
Did you see the easily unseen?
I am not trying to give anyone a guilt trip. I promise. Our good Lord knows there is only so much that any of us can see in any one place and time. We are human. It is a physical and mental impossibility to see everything and everyone.
But here's an idea: every Sunday, we can make a pact with ourselves to see something new, someone missed, someone who could use a kind word or a warm hug or a word of thanks.
Sometimes simply being seen, truly seen, is a loving gift that people do not soon forget. Sometimes, it makes all the difference in the world.
O Lord, open our eyes to those to whom your eyes are always open. Amen.
In The Horse and His Boy by C.S. Lewis, Bree, a talking horse, and a young boy named Shasta flee to Narnia. Bree was kidnapped at an early age from Narnia and had been a war horse all these years in a distant land.
Because of this, Bree has a very high opinion of himself, of his strength and bravery.
While returning to Narnia, however, when they’re chased repeatedly by a lion (whom we later learn is Aslan), Bree flees in terror. He acts like a coward.
Because of this, he is full of self-loathing and disgrace.
A hermit comes up to Bree and says to him, “My good Horse, you've lost nothing but your self-conceit…You're not quite the great Horse you had come to think, from living among poor dumb horses. Of course you were braver and cleverer than them. You could hardly help being that. It doesn't follow that you'll be anyone very special in Narnia. But as long as you know you're nobody special, you'll be a very decent sort of Horse.”
How applicable to us. We easily get to feeling too high and mighty about ourselves. Then, when we end up falling into sin and disgrace, we think, “Oh, woe is me! I’m full of disgrace. There’s no hope for me.”
My friend, stop being so melodramatic. There’s plenty of hope for you. You’ve lost nothing but your pride and self-conceit.
Welcome to the club of humanity.
Welcome to being a broken sinner just like the rest of us.
Now confess sins and embrace the forgiveness of God in Jesus Christ. As long as you know you're nobody special, that you are no different than the rest of weak and frail humanity, just one more forgiven sinner in Jesus Christ, then you’ll be a very decent sort of Christian.
Every time a car ride lasts more than ten minutes, one of our grandchildren will ask, “Are we there yet?” The question makes me smile, for their young impatience is like my much older impatience.
When our Father takes me on a “road trip,” I am relentlessly asking from the back seat, “Are we there yet, God?”
“My soul waits for the LORD,” the Psalmist says (33:20). And, like it or lump it, our souls are going to wait on the Lord. We can be patient or petulant, but either way, we are riding shotgun or stuck in the back seat.
The only one behind the wheel is our Abba.
I will say this: the losses, bruises, and overall brokenness of my life have made me painfully aware that our Father, when he is driving us toward healing and wholeness, never gets out of grandma gear. He pokes along. He’s always pointing out the scenery. But he’s never speeding. He is teaching our souls to wait, to know that “he is our help and our shield” (33:20).
He is showing us that we can “trust in his holy name” and that we need his “steadfast love…upon us, even as we hope in” him (33:21-22). When we feel lost, trust in him. When we feel confused by the chaos of life, hope in him. Even when we feel the tonnage of loss and grief upon us, know that his steadfast love is upon us. More than that, know that he who said, “My yoke is easy, and my burden is light,” will lighten our burdens by bearing us in his arms (Matt. 11:30).
Long may be the journey, but loving is our Driver. “Are we there yet, God?” In Christ, we are, for he is both our journey and our destination.
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