London Crime

Giving you the lowdown on all the criminal shit that's going down in London town.

[Mr. M.J.Moth @mothmun]

If you were the picture editor who found this Jimmy Savile shot, CONGRATULATIONS, your working life is now complete: http://t.co/Gs2wDgixj5

[Mr. M.J.Moth @mothmun]

"Used to do loads of work with the council on their school building program. Then, not sure why, it just stopped"

[Pub Bore @PubBore]

Should have held the Paralympics first and treated it as a security dry-run. If a bomb had gone off there'd be less noticeable damage.

[Mr. M.J.Moth @mothmun]

In remembrance of Rodney King's death I'm going to organise a minute's violence.

[Richard D. James @MrAphexTwin]

I'm on next with a 56k modem being eaten by a robot wolf. #jubileeconcert

[Richard D. James @MrAphexTwin]

For those who've asked, sadly, I was disqualified from #eurovision as my entry was basically a Casio keyboard stapled to a dead cow.

[Richard D. James @MrAphexTwin]

New track based on a 17 minute sample of an ant, walking on an ice cube made of frozen tears, being repeatedly hit by a rusty exhaust pipe.

[Richard D. James @MrAphexTwin]

I am sound. I am a shining sine wave of pure tone vibrating at the frequency of DNA. I am a man in a dressing gown eating Coco Pops.

[Pub Bore @PubBore]

What I found made Diane Abbott's comments even more offensive was that she was blacked-up when she made them.

[London Crime @LondonCrime]

The first counterfeit Santa Claus was arrested today. Didn't even have a real beard. Hamley's now full of quite emotional kids.