Tom

By the law of averages, I probably don't and/or will never like most of you. I like some of you, don't get me wrong, but most of you are a skidmark on society.

[Tom @London_Calling_]

You might feel like your team are shite because they haven't won the Premier League or a cup for a while, but sometimes, being actually shite and someone sticking with you until it is untenable is more important #SWFC

[Sheffield Wednesday @swfc]

Special 💙

[Tom @London_Calling_]

Just a small donation.

Seriously I don't think I have ever said the word "Tits" this frequently but it's making me laugh, so who cares?

[Rebecca Kilsby💙 @booberry73]

@London_Calling_ Are we suggesting a box outside the crematorium to leave them in, collect them on the way out?!

[Tom @London_Calling_]

Wait, did you just suggest that funerals would be better without tits?

This is... wow.

[peterneil62 @peterneil62]

@London_Calling_ Well nearly everything is improved. Tits don't work with naked girls on novelty playing cards, though if you're having a serious poker session. Distracting. I think that's the only time. Oh, funerals perhaps. Maybe - maybe - air traffic control.

[Tom @London_Calling_]

On a scale of 1 to Donald Trump sucking his own dick, how terrible is this World Cup going to be @TheMHarrington ?

[Tom @London_Calling_]

If we have learned anything from this, it's more tits for everyone.

[Rebecca Kilsby💙 @booberry73]

@London_Calling_ You don't sound like a pervert you sound like a normal bloke!! Basically introduce tits to everything!! 🤣🤣

[Tom @London_Calling_]

I hate to sound like a pervert, but basically everything is improved by tits.

"Do you want to go out and get a curry?"

"Will there be tits?"

"Yes"

"Cool, let's get a curry"

[Rebecca Kilsby💙 @booberry73]

@London_Calling_ You want to remove tits or introduce them?!

[Tom @London_Calling_]

Tits

[🏴‍☠️Captain Woz🏴‍☠️ @wozaboxa]

You've been made head of FIFA, your first act was to get rid of VAR.

What is the next thing you'd remove or introduce to the game?

[Tom @London_Calling_]

Michael Jackson and Q-Tip is the greatest mix of all time and I will actually fight you, so be careful

https://t.co/h0yJ2I57Mj

[Tom @London_Calling_]

What a fucking hack response to a simple criticism.

You know what my commentary wouldn't be? It wouldn't be sounding uninterested and constantly talking about how many social media followers the players have. Now do me a favour and never speak to me again.

[JP @janepotter1]

@London_Calling_ @itvfootball How's your commentating? Can we hear you and then decide?

[Tom @London_Calling_]

In case it wasn't already apparent. I fucking hate Lee Dixon and Sam Matterface as a commentary team. They are a pair of twats who add nothing to games @itvfootball #England #ENGNZ

[Tom @London_Calling_]

That's the sort of commentary I yearn for. Sam Matterface talking about how one of the New Zealand players has a lot of social media followers

Someone fucking kill me.

#England #ENGNZ

[Tom @London_Calling_]

Lee Dixon just said "He's not saying anything we don't already know" and I wanted to put my foot through my TV

#England #ENGNZ

[Mark Hadley @MarkHadley90]

@London_Calling_ @itvfootball On par with Michael Owen when he says “whoever scores the next goal will win it”

[Tom @London_Calling_]

Lee Dixon with some real wisdom there

"Any time you can get a ball 30 or 40 yards into a forward's feet, it's a good ball"

#England #ENGNZ @itvfootball

[Tom @London_Calling_]

Sam Matterface clearly has photos of some important people in compromising situations. It's the only explanation for him being omnipresent on @itvfootball

He is dreadful.

#England #ENGNZ

[Tom @London_Calling_]

David Hirst getting a mention on the TV

As someone who idolised him from the age of about 3, that's like after 40 years, someone saying "Yeah, I see you" #EngNZ #SWFC

[Tom @London_Calling_]

What a shame that they had Des Walker on @WeAreTheOverlap and didn't mention #SWFC once in nearly 2 hours. #StickToFootball #StickToStiffAdReads @GNev2 @IanWright0

[Ben @benswfc15]

What a fan base we have #swfc

[Tom @London_Calling_]

@_james_inman @RockChartrand "Cockhole" is used far too infrequently.

[Tom @London_Calling_]

I'll never forget that brace against #AVFC or "Good guy" @IanWright0 yanking on his dreads #SWFC @arsenal #arsenal

[DunsbyOwl @Dunsbyowl]

Happy 57th birthday to former Wednesday favourite - super @RegiBlinker
#SWFC #WAWAW

[Tom @London_Calling_]

Yeah dude, Vikings are so cool.

Remember when they used to invade countries, kill all the men and children, then rape all the women?

So fucking cool, bro.

[⚽️ Kyle Sheldon @kylesheldon]

Is this the best World Cup team photo of all time?

Bravo, Norway 🇳🇴⚔️

[Tom @London_Calling_]

@timbutterly Mate, for some reason I have been having recurring dreams about Orcas chasing after me. If you figure out the cure, let me know.

[Tom @London_Calling_]

@_james_inman @GadSaad @realDonaldTrump So what you are saying is that Gad Saad is a sellout pussy, capitalising on the "Bro movement" perpetuated by mongoloids like Joe Rogan?