Lopez Bees

I'm a worker in a large communal living arrangement.

[Lopez Bees @LopezBees]

@vbspurs Wyden is not looking healthy these days.

[bone @boneGPT]

Years ago on reddit some lady was asking in a thread what a strange 32 byte packet was on her router. I said 32 bytes is like, a couple zeroes and ones, it was probably a ping. Well she didn't like that answer one bit. She said she was in contact with law enforcement and they were doing nothing.

She said her neighbors take shifts watching her, everything she does and she was worried for her daughter. I said listen lady, I'm sorry to break it to you but it sounds like you have schizophrenia. You're having paranoid delusions and you need help.

Forgot about it. Cut to years later. I pick up a phone call at my business. Hello is this Bone from reddit? I'm calling you to let you know I've called the FBI. They know what your doing. She begged me to leave her alone.

Once I replied to her paranoid delusion, I became part of it. She thought I was some ringleader, that I had been singlehandedly destroying her life stalking her.

At this point I was in a panic. This is my business. How the hell did you find this number? Lady, I don't want to be mean to you in an acute mental crisis but you can't be calling me. Seek help. I hang up.

Years later on Twitter. "Hello Bone? Is this the Bone whose been stalking me for years?"

Blocked.

The phone rings again. It's her. She's accusing me of all sorts of things, that I've been stealing her checks and working with the local judges to destroy her family.

I said BITCH if you don't leave me alone I will deploy my full fucking satellite army on you. I will microwave you through your fucking walls. I will get your neighbors, the ones I've been paying all these years, to follow you everywhere. I'll hack every damn wifi in your house. I can see through your walls. We can hear your thoughts. I read every piece of mail you ever got, me and my friends, the government. We've all had enough of your shit and we're about to wrap up this whole operation so if you know what's good for you, you'll never call this number again or contact me anywhere. Ever again.

I could hear the color drain from her face over the phone. Please don't, she says. I just want you to stop. She sounded terrified. I say if you stop calling this number I'll call it off. You decide your fate. I hung up.

She never called again.

[MOMof DataRepublican @data_republican]

This IS IMPOSSIBLE, and yet, the Senate will not pass the Save America Act.

39.3% vote in…
Karen Bass had 117,579
Spencer Pratt had 86,323

42.4% vote in…
Karen Bass 130,429
Spencer Pratt 86,323

[Lopez Bees @LopezBees]

@nancytsidley @StephanieSidley You don’t often see images of two utterly evil women standing side by side.

[Lopez Bees @LopezBees]

@Imasloth @Notwokenow There are entire continents smaller than that forehead.

[Lopez Bees @LopezBees]

@BeenBannedX3 @Notwokenow @AngelaBelcamino Not the four head, not the five head, but the six head.

[Alps @alpaysh]

Happy pride month!

[Siraj Hashmi @SirajAHashmi]

<She takes out her red sharpie and crosses “Scott Pelley” off her list>

<She smiles and turns the page>

[Puppies 🐶 @Puppieslover]

He loves watermelon, so his human gifted him one whole watermelon as a "toy." He has now achieved peak canine happiness and all stuffed toys officially obsolete… would play a melon 🍈 fetch with him

[Lopez Bees @LopezBees]

@vbspurs @mog1717

[Lopez Bees @LopezBees]

@MightyTesla @SawyerMerritt Did you bother to look to see if any location actually has a new CT in inventory? I haven’t seen one listed at any dealer within 200 miles of me in a few months.

[Cybertruck @cybertruck]

@SawyerMerritt The people yearn for the triangle

[Lopez Bees @LopezBees]

@nobarany @grok @typesfast @BernieSanders Good Lord, reading comprehension is an issue for you, isn’t it?

[Lopez Bees @LopezBees]

@BernieSanders This may be the dumbest idea you’ve had, which is sort of remarkable.

[Lopez Bees @LopezBees]

@vbspurs @vandavintage Almost as tall as Barron Trump.

[Lopez Bees @LopezBees]

@vbspurs @WanderingBowl @Bennieeexyz Advice that is true with so much in life.

[Kassy Akiva @KassyAkiva]

Marco Rubio smacked down a Democrat senator’s claim that he skipped Iran negotiations for a “party” with President Trump.

'I know your staff wrote up this cute statement for your TikTok video, but it’s not true."

[Lopez Bees @LopezBees]

@spides99 @ztech1001 @SharronBreak @vbspurs @KellyMcla47742 @GlennAndTonic @BakoJer @HonkyTonkJew @Iseecanyou @The1Hamp @scatbug1 @mirabiledictu86 @MemberVRWC @carolynkeener54 @ScottMcBryde1 @maximumleader @notarealdoc @haas_drew @Anastas67240784 @Lin12Am @Sandpony @vandavintage Exactly, Jon Snow didn’t give Ghost any skritches.

[Bennie🕊️ @Bennieeexyz]

A customer at the library asked me a question I wasn't prepared for.

Customer: Excuse me.

Customer: Why does this machine require flesh?

Me: ...what?

Customer: This machine.

Customer: I am touching it, but it does not work.

Customer: Is because... flesh?

At this point I was trying very hard to figure out whether I had accidentally wandered into a horror movie.

Then she held up her hands.

She was wearing gloves.

Me: Oh!

Me: The touchscreen.

Me: Right.

Me: Yeah, it probably can't detect your fingers through the gloves.

Customer: Ah.

Customer: Okay.

Customer: Sorry to bother.

Me: No, no.

Me: That's the best thing I've heard all week.

She laughed.

The machine worked.

And I thought that was the end of it.

It was not.

Now whenever one of our library computers stops working, someone inevitably says:

Staff: It requires flesh.

Staff: The machine must be fed.

Another staff member: Who's volunteering?

So thanks to one perfectly innocent question, our library now sounds like a cult every time the self-checkout freezes.

[Bridgewater Police (Massachusetts) @BwtrPolice]

05/23/2026 10:40AM Caller from South/Pleasant Street reports male party wearing camo clothing and possibly carrying a bazooka in the area. Officer reports male is landscaper with leaf blower.