the worst thing about being chronically suicidal is that you don't plan for the future because you are just planning to be dead, and then it's the future and you are not dead and you've just totally fucked up your life for no reason.
harsh truth that might be controversial here
but IF your are somebody that’s negative, every single day, it does get to a point where you start to negatively impact the people around you emotionally, it does become exhausting and it’s okay for those people to need to step back
I’m not suicidal, but if there were a button that kills me instantly and painlessly, I would press it even without thinking much just to save myself from all problems in the future
do you ever sit with a group of people and not say anything for the entire time so there's no reason for you to be there, you're just awkwardly listening to people converse and wonder how it's so easy for them to just talk or why its so hard for you to say anything
I want my OWN person, no matter if it's platonic or romantic, i want someone who thinks of me first, every friend that I would say is my closest has a friend that's closer to them than me. I WANT SOMEONE JUST FOR ME ONLY
Everyone has that one friend who you can just tell hasn't been treated well in previous/other friendships so now they have trauma:
✦ Constantly says sorry for things that are not a big deal
✦ Says they don't want to be a bother
✦ Is actually always down to hang out but always seems to scared to ask
✦ Always seems at least a little nervous when brought into new groups
✦ Seems a but shyer at first and is slower to get close to people
I'm that one friend
“But you survived.”
I dissociate, like, a lot. My heart drops when someone raises their voice. I shut down very easily. I’m far too observant. I always feel like a burden. I isolate often.
But yeah, sure. I guess I survived.