me: “I would like to move to the U.S.”
U.S Immigration: “good luck bud”
me: “where do I start?”
USI: “are you an engineer”
me: “nope..”
USI: “oh boy..”
me: “but i speak 5 languages”
USI: “don’t care, didn’t ask.”
Me: “so what do I do?”
USI: “well your job can sponsor you”
Me: “oh it’s that easy!!”
USI: “lol, relax it’s a lottery”
Me: “and is it hard to apply?”
USI: “Long, slow, and expensive”
Me: “and once I have a visa? Can I have a greencard?”
USI: “sure if you wait 10 years”
Me: “This all sounds hard, can someone help?”
USI: “Yea, a lawyer, for thousands of dollars an hour”
Me: “alright nevermind”
USI: “that’s what I thought”
Les comparto dos fotos de nuestra supervisión a las obras del Tren Maya: una, tomada por un ingeniero hace tres días, al parecer de un aluxe; otra, de Diego Prieto de una espléndida escultura prehispánica en Ek Balam. Todo es místico.
American Healthcare: "you got hurt?"
me: "yes, bad :("
AH: "do you want an ambulance?"
me: "please!”
AH: “right away! That will be $2,000"
me: "to the emergency room?!"
AH: “oh that’s just the ride, the ER is another $5K"
me: "but, i have insurance"
AH: "not at this hospital :/"
me: “what about my insurance??
AH: “remember your $3,000 deductible?"
me: “what?! and once I paid all this? my meds are free right?”
AH: “uhhh..”
me: “what if I don’t pay”
AH: “we’ll literally stalk you until you do :)”
Una vez le preparé chilaquiles a mi roomie sueca y tuvo la osadía de decir "oh, are these like, breakfast nachos?" NO SARA, NO SON NACHOS DE DESAYUNO, PERO NO LO ENTENDERÍAS POR QUE EN EUROPA NO SABEN DESAYUNAR OTRA COSA MÁS QUE PAN CON MANTEQUILLA Y HUEVO DURO 😤