Monkey D. Lukey

hater of sand, plastic wrap, and walking tacos

[Liam Fennessy @LiamFennessy_]

Tears in my eyes

[Monkey D. Lukey @LukeReuel]

Lavine for Davion Mitchell inbound

[NBACentral @TheDunkCentral]

The Chicago Bulls have floated 15 different trade proposals centered around Zach LaVine to the Sacramento Kings, Orlando Magic, and Philadelphia 76ers 😳, per @KCJHoop

“Zach LaVine’s future isn’t the only trade scenario that has been discussed, even if sources said Karnišovas has floated as many as 15 proposals centered on the two-time All-Star guard to various teams including the Sacramento Kings, Orlando Magic and Philadelphia 76ers.”

(Via https://t.co/xnTGUC7SVL)

[RB (Ringless Bitch) @RyB_311]

Alex Caruso 1 for 1 for Josh Giddey is genuinely one of the most inexcusably stupid trades I’ve seen in a long time

[Monkey D. Lukey @LukeReuel]

@halloweenferret @chonzodraws @gumba_lp This is true for all forms of media

[Monkey D. Lukey @LukeReuel]

Bulls are the new worst run team in the NBA

[Adrian Wojnarowski @wojespn]

BREAKING: The Chicago Bulls are trading two-time All-Defensive guard Alex Caruso to the Oklahoma City Thunder for guard Josh Giddey, sources tell ESPN.

[Monkey D. Lukey @LukeReuel]

@DaRealAloysius Gate tgat dude witg all your geart

[Monkey D. Lukey @LukeReuel]

@Frederik_Gnatt @undercleavage @TheRussdiculous @jjmaples55 He was Euroleague MVP at 17 and hasn’t got one in the NBA at age 25. Your argument isn’t as strong as you think it is

[Boston Celtics @celtics]

We kept the receipts 🤫

[Tommy Beer @TommyBeer]

Internet undefeated

[Monkey D. Lukey @LukeReuel]

@CelticsHub1 @Glokai_ @isaiahthomas And just like that, the other guy won lol

[Jay Kim @luckymong1]

The Jays led Celtics to 3-0. #jaysontatum #jaylenbrown #celtics

[Monkey D. Lukey @LukeReuel]

I’m convinced no one should have these blown by numbers and be in the NBA. Dude is the most one sided player in NBA history

[NBACentral @TheDunkCentral]

Luka has been awful on defense 😳

[Monkey D. Lukey @LukeReuel]

@DaRealAloysius Damn. What about a quote tweet from not her actual account? If that still counts, I accept my fate

[Monkey D. Lukey @LukeReuel]

America is crazy. All this white woman had to do was say the N word and double down and now she’s a conservative social media influencer with a following. A sickening country

[Clown World ™ 🤡 @ClownWorld]

The girl on TikTok who said the N-word got fired from her job.

[zantae 🦇 @DeathAngelUSA]

I have to share this again: “Koalas are fucking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fucking terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.”

[Monkey D. Lukey @LukeReuel]

Who is this for?

[DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm]

The first trailer for the LEGO Pharrell Williams biopic has been released.

In theaters this October.

[Monkey D. Lukey @LukeReuel]

I’m so cheesed? Pack your bags homie

[BASED SAVAGE @crackcobain__]

WNBA finna start fining them girls $250

[Celtics on NBC Sports Boston @NBCSCeltics]

JAYSON TATUM BEHIND THE BACK PASS FOR AN AL 3