elles42

He come to me with money in his hand! He offered me, I didn't ask him, I wasn't knocking someone's door down, I was running from that! When I got out, I was in

[Taxed Brass @TaxedBrassDied]

one time a guy in front of me at 7/11 put a nasty old rotten banana on the counter and said it was for his girlfriend who could only eat certain foods because of a surgery, so I said "yeah right, what did she get, a bong hit transplant?!"

[🕷️ 🇵🇸 @kae1enftbl_]

London to New York in 15 minutes will never not kill me. It would have been more convincing if he just said 15 seconds

[clementine @clementineultra]

While y’all were writing theory they went out and actually did it

[Rupert Hawksley @ruhawksley]

Two beers in and someone gets a packet of fags out

[I Have A Msg For You & You’re Not Gonna Like It @TheDougFiles]

The rhythm of that faux-jab gives away his Britishness

[𝕖𝕝𝕖𝕟 𓂆 @ElenP79608464]

i love how the way he is spitting out his words as hatefully as possible clashes with the fact that the words he chose were "oh yeah? well YOU lick snizz!"

[waypoint rap critic @wolicyponk]

the reason people miss message boards is because this was how everyone on them posted all the time

[Matt @JoelsAquarium]

Flawless execution

[charlie @chunkbardey]

taking your keys on a trip feels so silly it’s like hmm yeah lemme bring these just in case where i’m going they have My Door

[tess @xsphi]

if your client's husband asks if you've been sleeping with his wife, the *question* itself is a lie. he's really asking "do you want me to get mad at you, and also stop paying for her expensive 'tennis lessons'?"

"no" is a completely truthful answer to that question.

[antipodean scourge @guywhoiswoke]

I don’t know why this video cracks me up so much. Jim coming out like “what the heck is going on” and Paxton jumping in going “a 9/11 just happened Jim” and then cutting to Bill explaining to other guys what a 9/11 is

[yakub @likethefood]

@AmeriCossack @beanytuesday There are at least two: bonus episode #2 ‘Chelsea Bombing Hot Takes’ (at 28:07) and regular episode #158 ‘Forget it jake’ (at 50:31)

[sophia @pastoralcomical]

my dad loves this joke and as i was growing up constantly said "back on your heads" just to mean "get back to work" so i totally internalized it as an idiom. inadvertantly said it in a meeting last week to completely blank looks. you heard me fellas -- back on your heads!

[arora @SahilArora_19]

the funniest part of this is how she sounds *exactly* like lily allen, bizarre

[elles42 @MF_ELLES]

@thursd4yg1rl clip ruined by ian “fag” fidance and jordan whatever her fuckiing name is

[elles42 @MF_ELLES]

@ZeldaVox the original was shit and this is just less shit

[elles42 @MF_ELLES]

@grapesseptember you’re a child it’s okay to be cringe