Madison Hetherington

[normal person @turbogeniusman]

29 years young and i could buy any sandwich i want without even checking my bank account. won't go into details but i'm in the hundreds

[redhotlp69, CPA @redhotlp69]

When you don’t put money away for retirement your paychecks are much higher

[Papii🥤 @ammalusty]

Technology has gone too far man. My roommate is logged out of his lightbulbs because he forgot his password

[Degen CPA | Drew @DrewVento]

USPS tracking:
Step 1: we don't think it exists
Step 2: delivered

[thicc n tired @britttlifts]

The only monster will be me if yall piss me off again

[soggy broccoli @soggybrocoli]

just went to someone else’s circus and my fucking monkeys were there

[mau @rllydu]

wait… if you’re circling back and i’m touching base, who the hell is monitoring the situation??

[charlie @chunkbardey]

taking your keys on a trip feels so silly it’s like hmm yeah lemme bring these just in case where i’m going they have My Door

[໊ @sonohoor]

is everyone losing it and crashing out rn or is it just me and justin bieber

[potato bun @erewhonsmoothie]

I’m always saying this

[poppa @popitforpoppa]

"people you may know" & it's someone i would set on fire

[𝓑ᥫ᭡ @quesadaaa_]

180 and 360 be eating yall up.

[Meg @megannn_lynne]

the dentist asking if a monday at 2pm in november works & you just have to be like Well Ok.

[Liv @Liv_Agar]

That was a nice hour long twitter scroll. Feel much worse as always. See you guys tomorrow

[erin @blondederin]

Coming from Jalen this is actually a 5 star review

[greta theft autumn ✿ (4.3% FC) @2007warpedtour]

oh i’m sure

[Riley @Ri_S_OB]

“The commanders really have to contain Saquon Barkley”

Saquon on the first play of the game:

[Daddy Go Fish @daddygofish]

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now when she's mad at me I just say "Linda wouldn't get mad about that."

[Rhine Stoned Cowboy @BisqueBoi]

creating a Hater Sports App where you can add players you don’t like from any sport to a list and you will be alerted via text whenever they commit an error, foul, turnover, etc

[bry @chicletsbian]

i’d hate to be a goalie because what the fuck do you mean the puck got through all of you people and now i have to stop it. not my fucking problem