Madmommies

thoughts from mad mommies

[Madmommies @Madmommies2]

Every time I am on a FaceTime call with a man I am immediately jealous of their ability to grow a beard to hide their chin/s

[Madmommies @Madmommies2]

No one:
Dateline: up next on “The Devil Went Down to Georgia Looking for a Soul to Steal”

[Madmommies @Madmommies2]

My toxic trait is getting mad at people who love fall and winter every time I get a little cold

[Madmommies @Madmommies2]

I overheard someone say that hocus pocus 2 shouldn’t be considered a kids movie like the original bc there are drag queens in it. Oh, so murdering a kid in the opening scene of the first movie is more appropriate for children?! Gotcha gotcha

[Madmommies @Madmommies2]

I’ll paint your right nails if you’ll paint mine

[Madmommies @Madmommies2]

Why finish each others sentences when you can finish each others movie quotes

[Madmommies @Madmommies2]

Is he hot or am I ovulating?

[Madmommies @Madmommies2]

Am I exhausted or does everyone actually hate me?

[Madmommies @Madmommies2]

Stranger things is entirely too scary for me now

[Madmommies @Madmommies2]

I’m having a I-can-feel-my-pulse-in-my-forehead kinda day. How are you guys?

[Madmommies @Madmommies2]

I played a ninja turtle version of shoot fuck marry with my friends and now I’m getting non stop ads for ninja turtle gear. I KILLED LEO I DO NOT WANT HIM ON MY BELT

[Madmommies @Madmommies2]

Oof I can’t tell who’s worse Skyler or Wendy

[Madmommies @Madmommies2]

Chardonnay is cat piss

[Madmommies @Madmommies2]

Not to brag or anything but I got called a knucklehead and a dingaling all on the same day

[Madmommies @Madmommies2]

When people say “I hate to say I told you so” they absolutely are not hating any part of it

[Madmommies @Madmommies2]

I love when people are like “I’m not one to judge” then say the most judgmental shit you’ve ever heard

[Madmommies @Madmommies2]

I don’t know how to explain it but there is nothing more satisfying than nailing a carpenter bee with a tennis racket

[Madmommies @Madmommies2]

Don’t talk to me if I have a head cold and get slightly overheated

[Madmommies @Madmommies2]

Sneezing three times in a row feels very dramatic

[Madmommies @Madmommies2]

Have kids so you can find half eaten apples on your bathroom sink and baby wipes in your dishwasher