Magnet Swallower

if we get into an argument on here, you should know up front I’m bored, dumb, and annoying.
Do not underestimate how bored, dumb, and annoying I am.

[Magnet Swallower @MagnetSwallower]

I can talk to fish and other water creatures like aquaman but I can’t swim and I sure as fuck can’t breathe under water, so it has limited usefulness

Btw your betta fish is asking if you can put a sheet over his tank when you jack off

[Magnet Swallower @MagnetSwallower]

@pushw8 And a quick exit

[Magnet Swallower @MagnetSwallower]

My feet dry on their own

[Magnet Swallower @MagnetSwallower]

@obeliskobeyer Fred durst voice: ITS JUST ONE OF TGOSE DAYS

[Magnet Swallower @MagnetSwallower]

@other_st_nick Same energy lol https://t.co/XXYjhRWbDZ

[Magnet Swallower @MagnetSwallower]

Dang got called a “lumpy old homosexual” by my Gen Z coworker

[Magnet Swallower @MagnetSwallower]

John consoling Jesus as he lay, hands being hammered to the cross: Hey, Jesus… at least you get to lay down for this part… hey.. You heard about “laying cross”?

Jesus weeping: What’s laying cross, John?

John, beginning to tear up: Dis fat hog laying cross deez nutz, Jesus

[Magnet Swallower @MagnetSwallower]

Decided to treat myself to a Jamba Juice and accidentally asked for something called an AntiVitamin as my boost?

Can literally feel myself growing weaker and my bones becoming brittle
My muscles feel like they’ve been sous vide beneath my skin

[Magnet Swallower @MagnetSwallower]

@SacredRitual Oh man can’t wait til you get to Goggins

[Magnet Swallower @MagnetSwallower]

@humanmymelody @hozierlvrs Just tony hawk being a creep

[Magnet Swallower @MagnetSwallower]

@sakakiplush

[Magnet Swallower @MagnetSwallower]

@pushw8 I’ve got five* on it!

*4 wishes and a prayer

[Magnet Swallower @MagnetSwallower]

@daveytogo Yes, the burger ordered as is ranges from OK-good. In my opinion you have to add shit to it. I add ketchup, mustard, pickles, sometimes peppers. Animal style is good. Their fries as is suck. Unless you like crispy fries and you ask for them well done.

[Magnet Swallower @MagnetSwallower]

@SighFieri #DiaperUpPatriots

[Subaru Bummer @SighFieri]

THESE COLORS DON'T RUN

[Magnet Swallower @MagnetSwallower]

@KUPER112711 @Cat5SMASHICANE Not with that attitude

[Magnet Swallower @MagnetSwallower]

@obeliskobeyer Considering they just let this happen on a regular basis.. https://t.co/djLHDjIn4H

[Magnet Swallower @MagnetSwallower]

Standing on top of the Olive Garden butt naked, wiener flapping majestically in the wind

[Magnet Swallower @MagnetSwallower]

Garlic is one of my favorite things in the world of food but smelling garlic on someone else’s breath or coming out of their pores is one of the most vile and offensive odors to me

[🅱️ete oaks @b0newalljackson]

boomer music was like “ wow that retarded kid is good at pinball “

[Magnet Swallower @MagnetSwallower]

@baby8byte The Toot Sweeties, don’t let the name fool you, they’re a bunch of stinkers!