Vivek Mahajan

Over-eater extraordinaire.

[Vivek Mahajan @MahaViv]

@SingaporeAir your contact centre in Germany is unreachable. I’ve tried all options. I need to urgently speak to a human agent. Kindly suggest.

[Vivek Mahajan @MahaViv]

@lufthansa I probably fly every two weeks with your group or book through you or star alliance. Things have got seriously bad in terms of Miles & More. Can someone please get in touch who simply won’t say they are responsible for social media only. Nobody responds elsewhere ever

[Vivek Mahajan @MahaViv]

@lufthansa I’ve flown weekly if not monthly with you for years.

I’m getting beyond annoyed trying to deal with your team trying to recompense my miles which are clearly owed to me since months. Being an online customer is the most painful experience.
Who can I speak to in Fra?

[Vivek Mahajan @MahaViv]

@lufthansa seems your web and app platforms have a bug. I’m flying to Vienna from FRA today. No issues. But I’m unable to check in for the return tomorrow, despite the window being open. Only letting me check in/ amend the outbound journey and not the return.

[Vivek Mahajan @MahaViv]

@Dyson im looking for an air purifier with optional cooling. What’s the best you have? What’s the main difference between TP04 and TP07?

[Vivek Mahajan @MahaViv]

@WeberGrills which brush can I use on the enamel plates of the Spirit. I don’t want to scratch them with a regular brush. I await your reply humbly!

[Hanif Kureishi @Hanifkureishi]

DESOLATION ROW

I don’t know if this has ever happened to you. But it has certainly happened to me. I have entirely lost my appetite. I cannot eat more than two or three mouthfuls of melon, or of pain aux raisins. Sometimes I have some chocolate or a protein drink and all day a little bit of water. But otherwise my appetite is dead.

I have felt nauseous most of the time and have vomited. When I see my sons tucking into a massive salmon and cream cheese sandwich I am shocked by how much they manage to consume. Friends bring me the most delicious food they can think of to try and tempt me, but there is not a particular taste I am looking for. All food repulses me. But because I have been living in a hospital since Christmas, it wouldn’t be surprising that I have become disillusioned, and no longer read the papers or watch the news.

I have no desire to watch movies or comedy shows. In the evenings, before Isabella leaves me, she always reads to me from my friend David of Bromley’s blog, and then several delicious pages from Elton John’s autobiography, which always cheers me up before the long fear and desolation of the night, that I have to go through alone. It isn’t surprising, since I am so depressed and ill, that my libido has died. At least one more discouraging thing.

I found out in Rome that the doctors there have been giving me a small amount of anti-depressant. I didn’t ask for them, and I didn’t particularly want them, but I discovered they were on my pharmaceutical agenda.

Here, in this new hospital, they have doubled the dose, since I didn’t much notice I was taking them anyway. Asking around my friends, it turns out that at least 50% of them have been, or currently are on, some kind of anti-depressants. Some have been running major institutions on them.

One friend has been taking them for twenty years, because he has reproachful thoughts after midnight, and has no intention of giving the meds up. Other friends have been off and on them for most of their lives. They all ask me what particular variety I am taking but I can never remember the name or pronounce it. I never wanted to take them since I have my own cure in psychoanalysis twice a week. One friend said “anti-depressants get you to the party and psychoanalysis enables you to enjoy the party once you get there”.

I avoided them because I didn’t want to mess with my brain, which I require in order to be a writer. But I am beyond that now. I am suffering more than I deserve.

I cannot believe that I have been living on a dementia ward for three weeks, because that is where they have been able to find a room for me. It is worse than a bad joke. The cries and howls are very disturbing.  Previously I had led a lucky life; I had all the luck in the world. Now it has run down. I spend as much of the day as I can with friends. People are still keen to visit me. I have given up writing for conversation. I can no longer make things up for a living - it seems too artificial in the face of this absurdity - and I have to say that the conversation has been a lot of fun. I like listening to others. People’s generosity and kindness has overwhelmed me.

In circumstances like this you really find out who your friends are, and how loving people can be. I wish I had been kinder; and if I get another chance, I will be. 

Hanif xx

[Vivek Mahajan @MahaViv]

@flyLAXairport you have two amazing staff members from @united working with you. Aleks(ander) Gunther and Ro(weena) Robinson went the extra mile to ensure a long planned holiday in Hawaii could take place, getting all members onto a flight despite a wave of cancellations. Kudos!

[Vivek Mahajan @MahaViv]

@flyLAXairport you have two amazing staff members from @united working with you. Aleks(ander) Gunther and Ro(weena) Robinson went the extra mile to ensure a long planned holiday in Hawaii could take place, getting all members onto a flight despite a wave of cancellations. Kudos!

[Ricky Gervais @rickygervais]

For anyone who’s been through this. https://t.co/ThKA3iIn6R

[Vivek Mahajan @MahaViv]

@JoMaloneLondon Thank you for the reply.

[Vivek Mahajan @MahaViv]

@JoMaloneLondon hello! I’m seeking a miracle. How can I get a bottle of Yuja? My wife loved it and her bottle just ran out. When we bought it we didn’t realise it was limited edition. Please and thanks.

[Vivek Mahajan @MahaViv]

@askflydubai @flydubai I need your 24 hour hotline number in Turkey. This is Urgent. Thanks.

[Vivek Mahajan @MahaViv]

@Baddiel 🙏🏽

[Vivek Mahajan @MahaViv]

@instagram one of my wife’s accounts has been hacked. She is unable to log in or change the password. How can we proceed ?

[Vivek Mahajan @MahaViv]

@DubaiDutyFree hello. I land on 25th Dec morning in T3. Can you tell me where to find the Duty Free Webshop. I’ve placed an order online for collection. Thanks.

[Vivek Mahajan @MahaViv]

@ursulaferrigno hello. I attended a one-day course that you held at Leith’s in Sept 2017. You taught us this Amazing bread and I have lost the recipe. Can you help? I would be very grateful for a reminder. Thanks.

[Vivek Mahajan @MahaViv]

@IHGService hi. I’ve sent some emails to IHG about a recent stay and still haven’t had a response. Can you DM me?

[Vivek Mahajan @MahaViv]

@saravanaabhavan are you opening up Frankfurt branch again? Or is the closed permanently ?

[Vivek Mahajan @MahaViv]

@AmazonHelp The advice changes every few days and there is no consistency.

[Vivek Mahajan @MahaViv]

@amazon hi. We are getting legal warnings from one of your vendors for a delivery that never arrived (which you refunded us for) and your customer service people aren’t helping me to resolve this. This is urgent.