Amanda Rae Crispell

Roger. Over. Rinse. Repeat.

[Amanda Rae Crispell @MandersCrisps]

"So, what kind of music do you like?"
"Well, my favorite song is 'Roll the Gospel Chariot Along' so I guess I'd have to say violent hymns"

[Amanda Rae Crispell @MandersCrisps]

Growing up I identified with Sam from iCarly but as it turns out I’m much more like Freddy’s mom

[Amanda Rae Crispell @MandersCrisps]

You know what’s worse than stepping on a Lego, stepping on mushed banana.

[Amanda Rae Crispell @MandersCrisps]

On a scale of Erin Hannon to April Ludgate, how spooky do you go for Halloween?

[Amanda Rae Crispell @MandersCrisps]

If you don’t throw your back out performing a cappella fall out boy for your baby at 8 am what are you even doing

[Amanda Rae Crispell @MandersCrisps]

What’s Mommy brian like? Imagine trying to use record player but instead of records use swiss cheese and a milkshake.

[Amanda Rae Crispell @MandersCrisps]

Ice cream as creamer is delicious.

Follow along for more health and wellness tips.

[Amanda Rae Crispell @MandersCrisps]

Shouldn’t it be called the ceiling of your mouth

[Amanda Rae Crispell @MandersCrisps]

@theofficetv When Joe Biden starts whispering

[Katie Haynes @kthaynes_]

I guess I’ve gotten so used to saying “excuse us” when I’m with my kids that I say it now even when I’m alone. I realized recently it was weird and was overcome with sadness at the thought of how much time I’ve wasted not saying it in a Gollum voice.

[Amanda Rae Crispell @MandersCrisps]

Me as I microwave two day old coffee: you’re better than this

Me when I see my reflection in the microwave with mom hair and face: no you’re not

[Amanda Rae Crispell @MandersCrisps]

In light of recent events, I’ve ended my twitter hiatus.

Nobody is talking about the people coming back to twitter.

[Hater @YassMaryam]

what do you call an acid with attitude???

A-mean-o-Acid

[Amanda Rae Crispell @MandersCrisps]

Making someone feel small is not good or fun and should not be a thing and I am so sorry if I have ever done that and I probably have wow I am sorry let's be better humans toward humans

[Amanda Rae Crispell @MandersCrisps]

Amanda. Crispell. At yer service.

*bows so low my beard touches the ground*

[Amanda Rae Crispell @MandersCrisps]

@JohnMayer Precisely why the only logical way to instagram is to follow accounts of cats playing piano. Keeps everybody feline fine.

[Amanda Rae Crispell @MandersCrisps]

Con and I went to Target resolved to pick out laundry detergent long story short we now own his and her lava lamps

[Amanda Rae Crispell @MandersCrisps]

@JohnMayer Problem?

[Shehan Jeyarajah @ShehanJeyarajah]

Chick-Fil-A customer service is UNDEFEATED

[Amanda Rae Crispell @MandersCrisps]

@hayley_emma22 This insight

[Amanda Rae Crispell @MandersCrisps]

Mrs Jean gave me cold pizza for an airport snack so I'm feeling really good about this whole future inlaws thing