Maria Randazzo

tv writer // comedian // trying to get an absolute freakin ass grip

[Maria Randazzo @MariaRandazzo]

see: every barista i dated

[Carlos @mamaloveslos]

No it’s actually pretty sick that you’re 27 years old and you purposefully type in all lower case still

[Maria Randazzo @MariaRandazzo]

@JayJurden Exclusively texts in all lowercase no punctuation tattoos

[Maria Randazzo @MariaRandazzo]

I lost my job then the next week I shit my pants. God works in mysterious ways because this could have happened at work. 🕊️

[Reductress @Reductress]

Normal! Woman Posts About Toilets 8,000 Times in Two Days: https://t.co/M4n0l6mPJz

[Josh Gondelman @joshgondelman]

Attorney General Matt Gaetz has brought down his first and last sex criminal, Attorney General Matt Gaetz.

[Maria Randazzo @MariaRandazzo]

So mad about John Krasinski. Kras is the guy who helps you move. The guy who does your algebra homework. The guy who your mom begs you to consider. People Magazine has failed our republic.

[Robert Reich @RBReich]

Countless Americans are endangered now on a scale and intensity almost unheard of in modern America. Our first responsibility is to protect these people and resist these forces.

[Maria Randazzo @MariaRandazzo]

can’t stop poopin

[Maria Randazzo @MariaRandazzo]

In case you might need at this juncture
#election #election2024 #vote #Harris #HarrisWalz

[Maria Randazzo @MariaRandazzo]

I’ll see who my ex is charging for “🍸”and comment “girl do not pay him”

[pj @pjayevans]

Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love seeing my boy Rick charge his wife for popcorn at amc

[Maria Randazzo @MariaRandazzo]

I’m scared this is me

[Pop Base @PopBase]

Anne Hathaway sings ‘Somebody To Love’ at a Broadway for Harris fundraiser.

[Maria Randazzo @MariaRandazzo]

people are gonna hate this but sometimes i can’t tell if it’s Ben Affleck or Matt Damon

[Maria Randazzo @MariaRandazzo]

WE NEED TO BRING I ❤️ 70s/80s/90s BACK PLZ GOOD GOD

[Michael Ian Black @michaelianblack]

I'm your real dad.

[Maria Randazzo @MariaRandazzo]

i can’t believe all the things i have to do today and for the rest of my life

[Maria Randazzo @MariaRandazzo]

She’s a little different now…

[Maria Randazzo @MariaRandazzo]

Early flight shades up ppl should be held without bail

[Jay Jurden @JayJurden]

Airplane window shade up on 7 am flight?

My guy, I hope your wife is cheating on you and the kids like him more

[Maria Randazzo @MariaRandazzo]

fear is the mind killer

[Maria Randazzo @MariaRandazzo]

Livia Soprano reads the headlines

#sopranos #news #tonysoprano

[Maria Randazzo @MariaRandazzo]

whenever I see Billy Crystal I pray to Christ he’s wearing this
#Emmys

[Dan White @atdanwhite]

Love it when my dentists says, “open a little wider please.” Here’s an idea: how about you do your fucking job and let me watch “Hot Ones” on my phone.