Overlooked fact: every significant relationship in your life began with one moment of someone being slightly braver than the situation required. One person said the thing. Asked the question. Made the first move. Relationships don't start with mutual courage. They start with one person's excess courage.
On Saturday, my children and I would go to the local running and biking trail and hand out water and bars.
People were suspicious.
They'd ask "how much does it cost?" We'd say free. Then they'd ask what cause it was for. We'd say none. At this point they'd be stupefied. There must be a catch. There was no catch.
The suspicion is an appendage of a culture that prioritizes status and money. The more selfless the act looks, the harder they search for the hidden angle.
I was experimenting as a father how to teach virtue. The value of helping someone without agenda or the need to get something back.
There is science to this. It's called the overjustification effect. Give a toddler a reward for helping and afterward they help less. The reward replaces the instinct. By attaching a payoff to a good deed, you corrode the good deed.
Children are born with the instinct to help before anyone rewards them. By age two they are happier giving a treat away than receiving one, and happiest when the treat they give up is their own.
It also causes moral elevation. Watching someone help others lifts the people who are watching and makes them want to do so themselves.
Iโll never sell this car because I was able to turn a 30 minute round trip into less than 15 on the worst night of my life. Rushing to get medicine for my Dad the night he passed and I was able to help him feel just a little bit better for a little bit longer. Forever grateful.