Mat Rains

Putting the gent in travel agent.

[Mat Rains @Mat_Rains]

@shitbritishpics Friend not in your form class gets you served at Somerfield but had to get the nod from Doris behind. 10 silk cut purple, 4 go through mums washing machine

[Mat Rains @Mat_Rains]

@shitbritishpics Extra long cig, shirt and tie. He's just delivered a load of year 9's to the services. 3 bed semi, elderly father owns four 70 berth coaches, gets mixed up (against his will) with the HGV brass. Life is so good

[Mat Rains @Mat_Rains]

@JoshPughComic I know the scouts at Royal Leamington Spa, and they are livid. Good luck, nobody should 'refuse' a good deal

[Mat Rains @Mat_Rains]

@MittenDAmour This tweet bookends an era

[Mat Rains @Mat_Rains]

@rootsmanuva Not everything that drowns you is 10 pints of bitter. Do whatever the fuck you want, captain

[Mat Rains @Mat_Rains]

@casaka1974 @qikipedia Let's call it a JOeY

[Mat Rains @Mat_Rains]

@dannywallace @steveferdinando Thanks for saving my bacon chaps, that meandering epilogue might just save my job and boost Ocean Holidays to the top. If you would like to come to our Xmas party it's on the 14th in Bethnal Green. Either way I'll send you a copy of the video x

[Mat Rains @Mat_Rains]

@unusual_whales Imagine paying 10% on a subprime. Then a student loan on top

[Mat Rains @Mat_Rains]

@darrenpjones @CommonsBTC We need more of this absolutely everywhere

[Mat Rains @Mat_Rains]

@grantshapps I was never the 'Minister for Energy' , so probably shouldn't comment, but if you are celebrating -17% energy bills you may as well celebrate having 17% less shit in your pants

[Mat Rains @Mat_Rains]

@LBC @ClarkeMicah @AliMirajUK He's confusing nursing with pouring the kings champagne

[Mat Rains @Mat_Rains]

@bethdanger Wait until you find braille mode!

[Mat Rains @Mat_Rains]

@propagandopolis Copyright @koolaid

[Mat Rains @Mat_Rains]

@floschechter BUILD NEW TOWNS FOR US

[Mat Rains @Mat_Rains]

@RishiSunak Worst deepfake ever?..

[Mat Rains @Mat_Rains]

@LeeAndersonMP_ Alan Partridges Right Wing @dannywallace

[Mat Rains @Mat_Rains]

@dannywallace How much is the ref is going to need a pint after the 59th minute of added time

[Mat Rains @Mat_Rains]

@LBC Yes I agree, load of b*****ks

[Mat Rains @Mat_Rains]

@langtonsreach2 Well done Rainsy!

[Mat Rains @Mat_Rains]

@RAF_Luton I recently sold my grandads medals from the Battle of Atlantis