Matthew Tsang

Trying to fill the world with horrifying laughter.

[Matthew Tsang @MattThanksYou]

Is #BEEF a comedy?… hmm, well: Real yellow folks have to have a sense of humor to survive, it’s defense and reflex. Would you label All Quiet on the Western Front an action movie?

[Matthew Tsang @MattThanksYou]

Valentines Day: "I don't need a holiday, I love you everyday."
April Fools: "I don't need a holiday, I gaslight you everyday."

[Matthew Tsang @MattThanksYou]

@LilNasX Everything you do makes me feel safe

[MC HAMMER e/acc @MCHammer]

Cat : You don’t love it the way I do.😻https://t.co/inkBO57WJJ

[Matthew Tsang @MattThanksYou]

Me: Racism exist. Present tense.

Them:

[Matthew Tsang @MattThanksYou]

While HBOMax has "Warrior," it's AmazonPrime that's killin' it with the free quantity of Yellow and Asian content this month.

Bunch of examples:
-Better Luck Tomorrow
-Gook
-Asian Americans (PBS)
-The Farewell
-2046

[Matthew Tsang @MattThanksYou]

Does anyone own a hard copy of the movie Adaptation that I can borrow?

[Matthew Tsang @MattThanksYou]

Girlfriend bought us dinner trays for when we eat and watch tv. Next I'm gonna buy us coffins.

[Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt]

GOOD

[Matthew Tsang @MattThanksYou]

Scary to hear but doesn't mean we shouldn't listen.

https://t.co/YetwyXRKAJ

[Matthew Tsang @MattThanksYou]

Girlfriend wants a book for Christmas, thinking about getting her the instruction manual to a Peloton.

[Matthew Tsang @MattThanksYou]

@darryldarryl_ Anyone who says "we have to let the past go" doesn't acknowledge that it's not the past, it's the present.

[Matthew Tsang @MattThanksYou]

Talk about Ghost in the Shell.

Delayed Valentine's Day messages were sent on every network overnight - CNET
https://t.co/6jVTUDf5CJ

[Matthew Tsang @MattThanksYou]

@theRealKevinLau @TayeDiggs I was so confused when @esiwasil recommended this to me yesterday.

[Matthew Tsang @MattThanksYou]

News reporter @France24 just said someone was shot in the thorax. I would've said chest/abdomen or torso but I'm not as romantic as the French.

[Matthew Tsang @MattThanksYou]

Finally watched Hereditary last night. Had to simultaneously put on the #WorldSeries to keep myself from getting too scared. #Halloween

[Matthew Tsang @MattThanksYou]

If you don't find out if someone has siblings or smokes weed then you wasted the first date.

[Matthew Tsang @MattThanksYou]

Modern politics: every debate answer is someone open mic'ing the first chapter to their autobiography.

[Matthew Tsang @MattThanksYou]

Just told a nurse that "I'm a bleeder," to get an option band-aid after my flu shot. Don't know if it's true but I'm all about free stuff.

[Matthew Tsang @MattThanksYou]

Sometimes I politely call someone "old school" when I really just mean they're old.