Matti$on

i am the american dream.

[i make beats ✞ @DonDadaNYC]

yall should be on ya 3rd toothbush for the year at least

[ᴄrissy @1nonlycs]

ok well i got too much going on rn to gaf

[gefen ☕️ @gefensk]

brutal seeing people settle for what’s clearly a future divorce because we’re in our late 20s

[EP @ElricPow]

You ok babe? You haven’t slapped my ass or respectfully objectified me as much as I’d like today

[𝑚𝑎𝑖❀ @veryfinemelanin]

Every morning I wake up and make the worst possible time management decision anyone as ever made omg

[baber @bakerbakerbaker]

watched the drama (2026) last night. dont make no sense. if zendaya told me she shot a school up id be like things happen baby

[Cosmic @DocCosmic98]

I wish they still grew pot that was low THC and just gave you a great body high and made you laugh at everything instead of pot that gives you Joe Biden level dementia and existential dread. What do they put in that shit dude.

[Matti$on @MattisonDitter]

@siilllver I was literally thinking this last week when I heard this song. And this is exactly the emotional reaction I had. It was sooo weird I felt like a bot hahahaha

[sally, titan of industry @sally124445]

I think it’s fun to come back to the office from PTO a little beat up and bruised. Sunburned and peeling. Let em know you really went for it

[Ashtyn Butuso @lil_buts]

we need to arrest @SouthwestAir for sending me an email every morning saying they have flights for $59 when they in fact do not!!!!

[Matti$on @MattisonDitter]

I sobbed in the theater by myself to this by the way.

[mem 🦑 @memcouu]

emma's soul is so beautiful, she knew how life changing a second chance is and gave everyone the grace of one

[Gail Walden @GailWalden6]

The girl scouts need to lower their prices or they have lost a loyal customer

[dani ༊*·˚ @folkmirrorball]

not everyone got it the first time. but i did https://t.co/OmNCmEUZsI

[Kyle Porter @KylePorterNS]

It's one thing to win a PGA Tour event. It's an entirely other thing to hold off the No. 1 player in the world (who is running after you with a 63) with a 66 of your own to win your first event in your third pro start as a 21 year old. Incredible stuff.

[Liza @Li33aaa]

At the family barbecue my cousin’s husband kept joking that “period mood swings are just an excuse to be a bitch.” His 13-year-old daughter finally said, “Dad, when you have a kidney stone you cry and everyone brings you ice packs. When Mom has endometriosis she still packs your lunch. Sit down.” The table went quiet so fast you could hear the burgers sizzle.

[Cameron Jourdan @Cam_Jourdan]

Brian Harman to the camera in scoring 🖕

Scottie Scheffler got a chuckle out of that one 😂

[bhumika⸆⸉ @bhumika_1905]

and my words shoot to kill when i'm mad i have a lot of regrets about that

[Amber @bloodberry_tart]

Michelob Ultra tastes like it would be okay for a baby to drink one