Goose

[Goose @MaxMcCann__]

You'll never find a negative review on a parachute not working

[James @CaucasianJames]

i drop my phone all the time what makes u think i won’t drop ur baby. keep that thing away from me

[James @CaucasianJames]

does anyone know how to hold a baby i might have to hold one on christmas

[WhitePeopleHumor @whitememejesus]

*The Creation of Daylight Saving Time*

Person One: Hey, you guys know how it’s like 7am right now? What if we made it 6am?

Person Two: ...

Person One: ...

Person Two: Ok cool. So listen man, everyone’s been worried about you.

[Goose @MaxMcCann__]

Listening to grown men call each other chodes in a call of duty lobby will always be the greatest form of entertainment

[WhitePeopleHumor @whitememejesus]

One of my fav pastimes is to go to photographers Instagram pages and write “I took this picture” on random photos and watch them freak out calling me a liar

[Goose @MaxMcCann__]

You ever wonder how many houses you've gone past in your lifetime that has had someone locked in the basement?

[WhitePeopleHumor @whitememejesus]

Just a friendly Tuesday morning motivational reminder that god isn’t real and we’re all one day closer to fucking dying

[Goose @MaxMcCann__]

You know what's fucking evil?

Getting an unskippable horror movie ad at 3am

[Goose @MaxMcCann__]

I hate twelvies with the Instagram bio "I love to travel"

Like bitch you went to the Sunshine Coast once last year, shut up

[WhitePeopleHumor @whitememejesus]

I don’t know who needs to hear this right now but it’s ok to steal from babies they’re not going to remember anything

[Goose @MaxMcCann__]

@Splintxrs @ZeeKay313Three Now Twitters calling me gay
this shits bullying

[Goose @MaxMcCann__]

Double Dream Feet

[Goose @MaxMcCann__]

@Splintxrs Haha that's pretty funny lol

[Goose @MaxMcCann__]

Okay what the fuck is with horror movies and killing dogs

Like leave the poor fuckers alone

[Goose @MaxMcCann__]

This is the attention I needed
Quite flattered

[Goose @MaxMcCann__]

Why is it that I've just now started watching Stranger Things, and its just now that I'm seeing spoilers...

What the fuck is my luck

I'm meant to be part Irish, I call bullshit

[Goose @MaxMcCann__]

This shit just funny lmao

https://t.co/gBHxfsXCRX

[Goose @MaxMcCann__]

Nobody actually gives a shit whether The Little Mermaid is black or not, people will winge for the sake of winging, but eh

This is funny tho

[Goose @MaxMcCann__]

@RustyNut001 This is why nobody likes you
Cause you don't like frog

[Goose @MaxMcCann__]

Frog