After training for 4 months, I wasn't able to run my half marathon last Sunday.
Here's what happened:
A little backstory: After my son was born in November, I needed a new goal to chase. I decided that half marathon training would be a great mental/physical outlet following postpartum. Plus, I found a race on April 28, which seemed like the perfect, far-away date.
So I started training in January. I shared updates about it in my newsletter, and on Twitter, and Instagram. For the first time, I publicly stated my intention to run a sub-2 hour half, and I thought that would give me the accountability I needed to take the training seriously.
And I did. I ran mile after mile during the week and dutifully completed my long runs every Sunday morning.
On the evening before the race, I laid out my clothes for the following day and studied the course map one last time.
And then, of course — of course — I started feeling severely nauseous and deeply unwell. I’ll spare you the details, but my husband and I got food poisoning.
So at 4 a.m — four hours before the half was set to begin — I was Googling, “Can you run a half marathon with food poisoning?” (The answer is: you can try, but there’s a serious chance you might get dangerously dehydrated & end up in the hospital.) Given that I couldn’t even keep a sip of water down, I decided it wasn’t worth the risk.
Needless to say, I wasn’t able to run it. I gotta admit — it was a weird cocktail of feelings. Even though food poisoning wasn’t exactly on my bingo card, I felt really disappointed that I couldn’t close the chapter on this journey.
So then what? I kept thinking about this one part from Casey Neistat’s video "Sisyphus and the Impossible Dream." In it, he talks about how he attempted to complete the New York City marathon under three hours last year, and his time came in at …. 3 hours and 1 minute. Devastating.
He says:
“It’s just an arbitrary number. I don’t need to break three hours to know who I am. What matters are the experiences. The journey. Even if I failed in the goal, see, life’s a battle, and there are times when you need to accept that you’ve been beat. ”It’s been a long road, and there’s a lot to be proud of. But I’m never going to break three. I’m just not that guy.
[he pauses, and then says:]
“Oh, F*CK THAT.”
Of course he didn’t stop. Of course he didn’t give up after that attempt. It took him 17 years and 24 marathons, but finally, at age 42, Neistat ran a 2 hour and 57 minute marathon.
Here’s the thing: I know that running this half doesn’t define me, but I am also determined to finish what I start.
So yesterday, May 4, without telling anyone, I went to Central Park and ran the exact route of the half marathon — two loops around the park for a total of 13.1 miles.
(And I managed to achieve my goal/personal best of sub-2 hours, running 1:58:48 with an average pace of 9:05 minutes/mile.)
No cheering. No fanfare. No medal. Just me and my family at the “finish line.”
I didn’t have to run it. It may seem meaningless, purposeless, and stupid, but it was important to me. As Neistat said:
“You do a lot of meaningless, purposeless, stupid things. You get obsessed. You spend years focused on it. And literally, no one cares but you. But you persevere anyway and you keep running. Because when you add up all those stupid, meaningless obsessions, what they add up to is your life.”
I'm terrified of failing, but who isn't ?
The fear of what other people might think/say
Well today, I finally embraced it & decided to build in public, join the fun here: https://t.co/lYcGLGMmWi
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Finally done with vet school exams 🥳 so have decided to share my study methods (inc. my @NotionHQ set up!) and tips I’ve accumulated in the past 6 years in this video:
https://t.co/7fuMnSTiz1
#vetstudent#vettwitter#vetmed
If I may, I would say that in my experience, “happiness” is a function of
- earning your own self-respect
- living in accordance with your values
- building relationships with people you respect
- doing work you enjoy and believe in
- bring playful and curious and kind
Pause for few moments and stares at screen -> reminds self that it doesn’t have to be perfect and any video making is practice anyway -> resumes filming, probably a ‘meh’ job but it’s a job done anyway -> rewatch footage and goes ‘meh it’s probs alright’ ✌️
The emotions I go through to get a video out (pt. 1)
Excitement about an idea -> more excitement so writes script -> coffee & hype while setting up camera -> sit down to film & realizing that it’s hard to pronounce words & imposter syndrome of not having enough value in vid
🚨CAMPAIGN KLAXON🚨
That's 6⃣0⃣0⃣0⃣0⃣ signatures and counting! Thanks to all who've signed & shared our #CutTheCrop petition. Help us keep up the momentum to reach the 100,000 mark for legislative action on ear cropping.
Sign the petition: https://t.co/aa83xfztr5
#FlopNotCrop
Lately I've been learning to sit with uncomfortable feelings. Acknowledging its there but not reacting or worrying about it. Somedays can be 🌧️🌧️ and that's ok.
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment"
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
(via @JanelSGM's BrainPint)
Ps: ❤️-ing the topics in this week’s newsletter, esp on learning to say no to things (which I dread all the time)
Thank you everyone for your support, buzzing that my @YouTube channel has crossed 1k subs! #1kcreator https://t.co/iOBTF0p1jr
all thanks to the inspiration and valuable lessons from @AliAbdaal & the Part time youtuber academy family!🧡 #PTYA#parttimeyoutuberacademy#cohort1
Paul Graham's best idea is that every city whispers something.
The same is true for social networks because they're cities for the digital world. Twitter tells you to be witty, Instagram tells you to be glamorous, TikTok tells you to be entertaining.
Here's my mini-essay.