Maybe Pile

Just bad jokes @MaybePileComedy

[Maybe Pile @MaybePileJokes]

son: dad, can you spell upside down?

dad: yes but it does make me dizzy

[Lori @Cornjerker78]

I’m not going to worry about it…it might never happen

[later]

Well crap

[Lori @Cornjerker78]

I understood it better before you explained it to me

[Lori @Cornjerker78]

When I die I want my hearse to play ice cream truck music

[Lori @Cornjerker78]

Me (proudly) after lifting weights: just look at my abs!

Friend eyeballing my bare midriff: that’s a hernia

[Lori @Cornjerker78]

First date

Him: tell me about yourself

Me in a singsong voice: ok but you’re not gonna like it

[Maybe Pile @MaybePileJokes]

@specialkitty2me Merry Christmas to you and yours 🎄🎅

[Lori @Cornjerker78]

Me on grocery store intercom:
I’d like to warn the other shoppers that there’s a hugger on aisle five

[Lori @Cornjerker78]

A wasp’s nest is just a goth piñata

[Lori @Cornjerker78]

Sometimes my brain takes things too far

[Lori @Cornjerker78]

The only “hard to get” I’m going after is the M&M that slid into the crack by the seat cushion of my recliner

[TV’S ALEX PTAK @PtakTestKitchen]

If you actually sit down and read the grinch’s manifesto he makes a lot of good points

[𝚂𝚔𝚒𝚗 𝙼𝚞𝚏𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚜 @SkinMuffins]

Are they honking at me because I’m cute or because I can’t drive.

[Katie @ALadyNamedKatie]

Ya know, rock bottom isn’t so bad if you enjoy collecting the rocks

[Lori @Cornjerker78]

Me after eating just the bacon out of a salad: three more salads please

[Manders 🌻 @SunflowerGpsy]

Hangs mistletoe above my camel toe

[.:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin]

spotify wrapped said i listened to pixie rock-ish emo pop and did they just put a bunch of words together bc tf even is that.

[Drew (some assembly required) @dmc1138]

“You win some. You lose some.”

- Me, after losing for the millionth time in a row

[Ghostface Kryllah @kryzazzy]

Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes

Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”

[lals @Alanascottish]

I love jokes about eyeballs

The cornea the better

[Lori @Cornjerker78]

“If you drank more water you’d have more energy”

Me: and exactly what am I supposed to do with it once I have it?