Jem Zornow

Software Engineer, musician, endurance athlete, bread enthusiast.

[Jem Zornow @MeAmJer]

@Lowes I've been trying to get someone on the phone for four days to cancel an online order. All four times, I've waited on hold for 30+ minutes before the line went dead. Can someone please help me cancel the order? Idk what else to do.

[Jem Zornow @MeAmJer]

@PaulKarolyi Or worse: I fear I may have eaten an invasive species.

[Jem Zornow @MeAmJer]

I ate too many animal crackers and now my stomach hurts. For reference: I am an adult.

[Jem Zornow @MeAmJer]

@bhwilkoff @taykendesign Likewise! I was telling @taykendesign that I'm running a writer's workshop on Thursday night of this week. PM if you're interested and I'll send details.

[Jem Zornow @MeAmJer]

My wife's defense against the "cult of domesticity" is to be so bad at housework that no one ever asks her to do any of it.

[Jem Zornow @MeAmJer]

@united This was a huge waste of time. @united we are very disappointed.

[Jem Zornow @MeAmJer]

@united I've been trying to get home for three days now. This is baaaad for business.

[Jem Zornow @MeAmJer]

@united I have been sitting in this airport for seven hours now, and you still don't know when my flight will take off. How is that even possible?

[Jem Zornow @MeAmJer]

I cannot disagree with this strongly enough. What an unhealthy lifestyle to encourage.

[Slate @Slate]

Hustle logic: Don’t spend time on something you can’t sell. https://t.co/tqh0SND0vx

[Jem Zornow @MeAmJer]

@maninilchiani Lol it was supposed to be "secretly killing it." Euphemistic only. Not actually murder.

[Jem Zornow @MeAmJer]

@maninilchiani yet another food product with your name on it. Also: enjoy the strange English translation.

[Jem Zornow @MeAmJer]

@maninilchiani @maninilchiani is secretly killing in in the Latin American snack food market.

[Jem Zornow @MeAmJer]

@HRBlock I’ve been on hold for 40 minutes for an issue that you’ve been “trying” to resolve for close to a month now. Doesn’t really feel like “block has my back” this year at all.

[Jem Zornow @MeAmJer]

Having strong opinions about how people ‘ought’ to behave has little bearing on the world, but a big effect on your overall happiness.

People are unpredictable, weird and messy, and they will rarely live up to your ideals.

The sooner you swallow that, the happier you will be.

[Jem Zornow @MeAmJer]

A: “I think that we should call the Object FooBar.”

B: “I disagree.”

(Two full whiteboards and 90 minutes later.)

B: “How about we name it FooBar?”

A: 🥴

[Jem Zornow @MeAmJer]

@_drewpowers "hi can I get that gluten free?"

[Jem Zornow @MeAmJer]

@PaulKarolyi Oh sweet, innocent Paul

[Jem Zornow @MeAmJer]

*Coworker tells extended story about the heavy responsibility of childrearing.*

Me: Wow that sounds great. I’m going to go hang out in front of the microwave for a little bit.

[Jem Zornow @MeAmJer]

@MikePosner Finished my second 40. So impressive, man. You should be very proud.