meg

improviser+pun enthusiast+cat lady+ tired+probably wearin some kinda hat backwards+one time someone told me id be a good writer for the office

[Jess Goodwin @thejessgoodwin]

My timeline is nothing but Ariana Grande and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez roasting people and not only am I here for it but I kind of want them to team up

[Michelle Hart @michyboyhart]

Today I emailed someone based only off only their email address. My title read: ‘Hi Alex and Ria!’ It was only much later I found out it was only one person named Alexandria. HULLO WORLD I AM HUMAN

[Sarah Silverman @SarahKSilverman]

No punishment on the table for the impregnators. Death for the living woman who has the nerve to decide what is right for her. Wouldn’t want to ruin a promising young man’s future

[justine @biticonjustine]

this is actually so heartbreaking. this woman is just trying to run a business and y’all are harassing her with the most stupid, stereotypical, racist jokes for a 1 minute video? its 2018. save those $4 and get a fucking job loser.

[Co D. Ranks @CRankinit69]

my room after the earth if we
a 3 week don’t get our
depressive episode shit together

🤝

uninhabitable

[Mrs Kaluuya 🖤🎀 @pixiestateomind]

Mel b called him out not the spice girls

[dj franzia @hawillisdc]

which part of late stage capitalism is teaching underaged children to be wartime battlefield doctors because special interests have paid off government officials to keep automatic weapons legal

[Amberghini @amberellaaaa_]

One of my mom’s friends got really sick. Her husband thought she was gonna die, so he spent up all her $, then she got better, so he left her for another woman. But now he unexpectedly got sick and died, and he never officially divorced her so she’s about to collect his life ins.

[Neal Pecht @neal_pecht04]

*after drinking heavily with some of your closest friends*

my brain:
don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it

me: “I just fucking love y’all so much”

[TK Randell @tk_randell]

not a cellphone in sight. Just people living in the moment

[Nada @Nadatbhh]

Their house completely burned down and instead of victimizing themselves they acknowledged their privilege and started helping others immediately. Anyone that has anything negative to say about this is so miserable.

[kait 🌈 @sadkxit]

*sees people in a hot tub*

My Brain:
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it

Me:
Two bros chilling in a hot tub five feet apart cuz they’re not gay

[beyoncé’s titties @eraxtrana]

roses are red
doritos are savory
the US prison system is legalized slavery