Melisa Baris

New Mexican transplant from the cold Northeast searching Twitter for things that make me laugh. I also document every aspect of my life on the ‘gram (@Melisamb)

[miles bonsignore @milesbon]

Haven’t been online today, hopefully nothing funky happened! 🌴😎 🤟🏻#tuesdays

[Melisa Baris @MelisaMB]

@geneseedave But how do you not have any dog poop in your backyard…

[Melisa Baris @MelisaMB]

@JustALocalGay You gonna do cane’s like that?

[Melisa Baris @MelisaMB]

@3x1minus1 Travis Barker recorded the drums on his album too!

[Melisa Baris @MelisaMB]

Remember a few months ago my boo thang told me he got us a bed frame for the guest room that we can re do together? I laughed in his face. It’s been 5 months and I wanted to share that it is in the garage and hasn’t been touched once

[Melisa Baris @MelisaMB]

People think cause I’ve weaseled my way in to the military life I have money. We ain’t married and I’ve moved to a town where the average income for non military is $23k. I too am poor but I just live in a nice house!

[Melisa Baris @MelisaMB]

Two years ago today I apparently introduced social media to my now ex boyfriend and Facebook just reminded me. I hope he is doing well!

[Melisa Baris @MelisaMB]

My boyfriend went to target with me for the 2nd time in his life and when we left all he said was ‘that is the most money I have ever spent at target’ oh sir it won’t be the last time

[Melisa Baris @MelisaMB]

My first thanksgiving in my entire life that I’m away from family. I hope they have enough to drink...

[Melisa Baris @MelisaMB]

Please fire whoever is in charge of these touchdown animations for this @MiamiDolphins game

[Melisa Baris @MelisaMB]

Living with your boyfriend means you only text each other to ask if they are pooping

[Melisa Baris @MelisaMB]

I only left Rochester about a week ago and the amount of people that I haven’t talked to in ages that have reached out because they too moved from home once and just wanted to lend a hand has brought a tear to my eye

[Melisa Baris @MelisaMB]

@PrimeVideo @EliseLoPresti

[Melisa Baris @MelisaMB]

“I have a basketball team and 3 bench players” “I’ve been on this thing called fire” -SP. WOW I am going to miss Rochester so much

[Melisa Baris @MelisaMB]

In the middle of writing a tweet about how I picked up my cat to tell her how much I’m going to miss her I went to check on the dogs outside. And this bitch snuck out on the deck. don’t even know how long she was out there. #oldladycat

[Melisa Baris @MelisaMB]

Airbnb’s have been booked for the 29 hour drive. If it wasn’t real before, it is now! #byerochester

[Melisa Baris @MelisaMB]

@JustALocalGay @adambyrne_ SO MANY ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK I’m embarrassed myself

[Melisa Baris @MelisaMB]

@JustALocalGay HE SAID ITS A PROJECT WE CAN DO TOGETHER .................. BROOOO

[Melisa Baris @MelisaMB]

My boyfriend told me he bought a bed frame that we can sand and stain and fix up together ‘for fun’ I don’t know who he thinks he is dating but he must have me confused with someone else

[Melisa Baris @MelisaMB]

Nephew just waltzed in my room unannounced when I got out of the shower. If he didn’t know what boobs were he sure knows now. Given how loud I screamed since he scared the shit out of me I doubt he does that again