Me minus Mum

Trying to make sense of the world following the death of my mum in August ‘22. Screaming into the void about my personal experience of grief and grieving.

[Me minus Mum @Meminusmum]

And suddenly, my daughter is finishing primary school. I remember mum being given her (wrong) prognosis, but when we got a shard of hope, her first thought was that she might just get to see all the grandkids get through to secondary afterall. I’m so bloody sorry mum. If only xx

[Me minus Mum @Meminusmum]

Dreadful few days, sent me right back to 2020. Dad was given some terrible news which transpired to be nothing of the sort. But that trauma, the absolute sick and helpless feeling of waiting for blow after blow- wow. I thought that was buried, but it’s only a call away it seems.

[Me minus Mum @Meminusmum]

Making the kids’ tea,singing to music and feeling ok. Sudden, unexpected and unanticipated utter gut-punch of grief. I’m just not able to be the same mum/daughter/wife/ friend I was before mum died. I’m so very different and so much more broken. I’m so sorry x x

[Me minus Mum @Meminusmum]

I recently dreamt that mum came back to me but I knew it was only for a tiny bit. I held her so tight and begged her to stay but then the pips went, like an old phone box when the money ran out, and I knew she had to go again. I begged her to stay but knew she couldn’t.

[Me minus Mum @Meminusmum]

@RichardEGrant So beautiful, as always the love is absolutely palpable. Sending love your way Richard- your book helped me find pocketfuls of happiness in the darkest of times xx

[Me minus Mum @Meminusmum]

Christmas is so different now. I used to absolutely adore it-before mum was ill l used to feel so incredibly lucky to have our little family together. I thought we’d got years and years left yet. I love and miss her so much. How is this real? The audacity of taking her?

[Me minus Mum @Meminusmum]

#revforxmasno1
Done ✅
Love this so much xxx
#RevForXmasNo1

[Reverend&TheMakers @Reverend_Makers]

Gimme a RT if ya coming to @lovemeadowhall this week

Watch some music and help us raise money for @samaritanscharity 💚💚💚

[Me minus Mum @Meminusmum]

@eliistender10 My mum x

[Me minus Mum @Meminusmum]

@Reverend_Makers My mum xx

[Me minus Mum @Meminusmum]

@notestomymum Sending love to you. It’s awful isn’t it xxx

[Me minus Mum @Meminusmum]

I really, really, really miss my mum. No one knows- I put on a brave face. But no one knows, or sees the tears.

[Me minus Mum @Meminusmum]

@Liz_ORiordan I’m lost without my mum too. Love to you xx

[Me minus Mum @Meminusmum]

I hope mum understands that my passivity now is because I have no choice. It’s appalling that things are as they are now. I can’t alter things. I don’t have to like it though. It takes a village?! Yeah right. There’s no village here, just inadequate me.

[Me minus Mum @Meminusmum]

@Reverend_Makers Adore everything about this xx

[Reverend&TheMakers @Reverend_Makers]

OK HERE WE GO https://t.co/NpykLC6GGV

I’ve always wanted to do the Jon Lewis ad but no one asked me so I kinda made my own 3 minute one in Sheffield

More importantly it’s to raise awareness and money for @samaritanscharity who are there for people 365 days a year .

Nobody should have to feel alone this Xmas

If you could share the video link and maybe give some money too then I would be much obliged

Thanks so much
Jon

[Me minus Mum @Meminusmum]

Been ‘ok’ lately, in so far as you ever can be. But then immediate and unexpected tears at a corporate event brought on by such an innocuous comment that instantly made me remember how much I and my babies have lost without my mum. I miss her so terribly.

[Me minus Mum @Meminusmum]

@Nicfgbm I feel this so much 💔 my daughter was 7 when mum died- a little girl. Now she’s 10 and full of sass and would have loved a nanna who would’ve known how to relate to her in a way that me as her ‘old’ mum can’t seem to. Our mums deserved so much more xx

[Me minus Mum @Meminusmum]

I can really feel some of the dense, horrible fog shifting a tiny bit. So slow and gradual- but my sister’s word have made me remember mum BC (before cancer) and AD (after diagnosis) and very, very slowly- some really good memories are coming through. Piecemeal, but progress?

[Me minus Mum @Meminusmum]

@SaffronKim And to you too xxx

[Me minus Mum @Meminusmum]

My sister last night said she feels that we need to stop being sad- that mum wouldn’t want that. It never occurred to me to permit myself to stop being sad?! And if l even could? Sadness is my base level, it never occurred to me that anything else was possible?