Rizz

Patent attorney, harried father, and hapless sports fan. Tweets are rarely serious or entertaining.

[Josh Holmes @HolmesJosh]

My wife when I tell her about an important work trip that will cause her to be at 2 different sports fields simultaneously for 48 hours.

[Josh Chambers @JoshChambers]

Josh Allen reveals he had zero scholarship offers coming out of high school so he sent 1,000 emails with his highlights attached to every coach in the country, only two responded

“The email said something like, Hey, I’m Josh Allen. I’m 6’5”, 220 pounds. I feel like I’d be a great fit for your program. Here’s my Hudl. These are my stats… I literally just went copy, paste, copy, paste and sent it to every single coach I could find an email for.”

“I played in a small town called Firebaugh, California. I had zero offers out of high school. I had no preferred walk-ons. A couple Division III schools were trying to give me academic scholarships so I could go play there, but I didn’t want to make my parents pay for me to go somewhere.”

“So I went the junior college route. I felt like I was good enough to play, which is obviously why I kept going. I wanted to go to junior college, earn a scholarship and kind of pay my family back for everything they had done for me.”

“I also played football, basketball and baseball. I was a three-sport guy, so I didn’t spend my summers going around to every quarterback camp. I got the chance to play different sports, feel different emotions, meet different types of people and learn how to deal with all of it.”

“I think that’s something a lot of kids need to continue doing, play more sports. Every sport teaches you something that you can ultimately use later in life.”

[Boston Herald @bostonherald]

Opinion | Now that the holdout juror in the Lindsay Clancy case is getting the negative attention he deserves, it’s easy for District Attorney Tim Cruz to agree to a plea deal that gets Lindsay the help she needs. Between now and when the deal goes t… https://t.co/ktm1k1F6ea

[Josh Chambers @JoshChambers]

Steve Kerr says Roger Federer taught his Warriors team the secret to sustained success wasn’t outworking everyone, it was building a life around your craft you never want to escape from

“I’ll tell you a great story about Roger Federer. We were playing in China with the Warriors in 2017. Roger was in Shanghai for the Masters tournament, so we invited him to come speak to the team.”

“Draymond Green asked him, ‘How do you sustain success? How have you managed to win majors 20 years after you first won one?’ Everyone was expecting him to say, ‘I work harder than everybody,’ the will, all the clichés.”

“Roger Federer says, ‘I get up every morning and I make breakfast for my kids. Then I take them to school and drop them off. Then I go practice tennis for about two hours, and I’ve figured out a really good routine where I don’t destroy my body, but I can get all the work in I need.”

“‘Then I go have lunch with my wife. In the evening, we cook dinner together. The kids are all home from school. We ask them about school. There’s so much joy in the house. We put them to bed, and then I put my head on the pillow and go, “Man, that was just a great day.” And I’ve been doing that for 20 years.’”

“And it was like, yes. That’s it. That’s the formula. That’s what leads to sustained success. He loves tennis. He loves his family. He loves life. It’s not outworking everybody and banging your head against the wall, ‘I’m going to be better than everybody.’ It’s allowing your natural talent to shine through with a work ethic, with a great family life, with perspective, with peace, with mindfulness.”

“It’s perspective. It’s joy. It’s passion. It’s mindfulness. It’s an awareness that we are truly lucky. To get the most out of ourselves, it’s our daily rituals and experiences and love and joy.”

[Rizz @Metsrizz]

@ChrisMartzWX But you forgot that Pearl Milling hilariously kept “formerly known as Aunt Jemima” on the packaging

[Rizz @Metsrizz]

@lexlanham These headlines are gonna be golden!

*ducks*

[Rizz @Metsrizz]

@OrinKerr He’s prolific in the afterlife — if you look on his author page he’s written at least 8 of these since 2018! https://t.co/RCZnVgwUNs

[@ratlimit @ratlimit]

I feel like being uninsured is WAY cheaper 99% of the time. Why has no one launched a subscription service that chips in for that 1% when you actually need a doctor? Everyone contrutes to a pool of money that you’d *only use when you need doctor*.

[Rizz @Metsrizz]

I feel like I finally understand @3YearLetterman

[Breadman @BTCBreadMan]

The next time you’re feeling down, remember it's all about perspective. I got a friend who reads 2-3 books a week, works out twice a day, has no financial worries, & has people who want to have sex with him all the time & yet he constantly complains about how much he hates prison

[Rizz @Metsrizz]

@TPCarney We Mets fans have our own version of climate apprehension.

“It would be incredibly irresponsible to bring another potential Mets fan into this world. The suffering!”

[Rizz @Metsrizz]

And here’s something you don’t see either — the beneficiary of this ridiculous play STILL losing by 4 runs!

[Anthony DiComo @AnthonyDiComo]

Here's something you don't see every day in Major League Baseball: three throwing errors on a single play!

[Iain Cameron @theiaincameron]

Ivory Coast v Norway is the World Cup Round of 32 match that best shows the absurdity of the Mercator Projection.

Despite Norway being shown on most maps as far larger than Ivory Coast, the two countries are actually almost identically sized. Ivory Coast is 322,463 km², and Norway: 323,802 km².

Stay tuned for more cutting-edge, geography-based World Cup analysis.

[Cousin Sal @TheCousinSal]

Soccer purist: Even if the guy is a millimeter offsides and it goes against the spirit of the rule it absolutely must be called.

Confused fan: Interesting. So when does the game end?

Soccer purist: Whenever the ref feels like ending it.

[Rizz @Metsrizz]

@simonmontefiore @baseballcrank They did the Family Guy bit! https://t.co/3MB3XqYngW

[Rizz @Metsrizz]

“In its April lawsuit, the church noted the many patents it holds on images it uses…” 🤦🏻‍♂️

@lexlanham @B_Palfreyman somebody hold me back!!

https://t.co/29360wkfd6

[liel leibovitz @liel]

Me, to my son, after the game: “See? This is why sports are so great. Never lose hope!”

(Thinking for a second)

“Unless it’s the Mets. Then you should lose hope right away.”

[Onyx Odds @OnyxOdds]

REPORT: Kenny Atkinson has arrived at MSG to prepare for Knicks-Cavs Game 5 with the series analytically tied 2-2

[Rizz @Metsrizz]

@marcorandazza Paralegalhaters

[Kannon Shanmugam @KannonShanmugam]

The Federal Circuit now has an official theme song, complete with music video (unveiled today at their judicial conference).

https://t.co/m9EuDOa5aY