Mid-Michigan Mom

it’s all so cliché it’s funny. mostly stay-at-home parent. moved to Michigan while pregnant with baby #1.

[Mid-Michigan Mom @MidMichiganMom2]

you know how they make busicuits for dogs that help clean their teeth? they should make those for toddlers! #Geniusidea #genius
someone please make these 😬🪥

[Picard Tips @PicardTips]

Picard mental health tip: When you lie down to sleep, instead of thinking about your failures, think about your successes.

[Mid-Michigan Mom @MidMichiganMom2]

I know there are more important issues in the world… but WHY is it SO hard to buy the right lightbulb?!? #💡
#lightbulb

[Trey @treydayway]

My newborn daughter keeps rolling her eyes at me and I feel I deserve it for bringing her into this crazy world

[Mid-Michigan Mom @MidMichiganMom2]

Cussing around a toddler learning to talk feels like a game of chicken. Will I switch to "oh fudge" before he starts dropping F bombs? #toddler

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

Shout out to all the parents planning to take their toddler to a restaurant tonight hoping this time will be different.

[Mid-Michigan Mom @MidMichiganMom2]

One real advantage of winter is that I stress less when I leave the groceries in the car for a few hours.

pro tip: bring in the yogurt, it gets weird when it freezes. and carbonated drinks might explode.
#winter #PureMichigan

[UberFacts @UberFacts]

When Bill Gates' daughter started kindergarten, he would drop her off at school in the mornings to make things easier for his wife.

After seeing this for a few weeks, other dads began dropping their children off at school instead of their wives, as well.

[UberFacts @UberFacts]

The sentence "I never said she stole my money" can have seven different meanings depending on which word is emphasized when speaking it aloud

[Unfiltered Mama 💗✌️ @UnfilteredMama]

I don’t know who needs to hear this but ... TIP YOUR DELIVERY PEOPLE!!!!!

[GhostMomma @momma_ghost]

Do you pretend to eat your children like a ravenous monster or are you dead inside?

[Mid-Michigan Mom @MidMichiganMom2]

I look forward to the day when my entire home design scheme isn't designed around keeping the house and the toddler safe from one another.
I suppose then i'll have to start locking the liquor cabinet, right?

[Mid-Michigan Mom @MidMichiganMom2]

it's amazing how my brain can blame ANYTHING on my husband. baby wakes up at 3am, I roll over to look at sleeping husband like "what did you do?"

[Mid-Michigan Mom @MidMichiganMom2]

me before baby: comedy movies about how (usually) Dads can’t handle parenting are so cliche.

after baby: OMG they are hilarious and just so true to life!

[MumInBits @MumInBits]

4 put one of his toys in the gap behind the fridge and when I asked why he said it was noisy & annoying and long story short all 3 of my kids are now in the gap behind the fridge

[Mid-Michigan Mom @MidMichiganMom2]

despite what you might think, Green Juice spiked with Vodka is not a good idea. not delicious, and probably not that nutritious either. and now i’ve wasted my healthy drink and my yummy liquor. 😢 learn from my mistake! #vodka #greenjuice

[the Salty Housewife @SaltyHousewife]

We need a fitness app for moms.
Like I walked 2 ml but the first 25 min I pulled 45lb child in a wagon.
Next 30 min at a snails pace cuz toddler wanted to pull wagon.
Jogged 45 sec when he took off running & last 10 min was uphill carrying tantrumming demon child #momfitness

[Mid-Michigan Mom @MidMichiganMom2]

It’s always a bit surprising just how much a poorly timed poop can totally ruin a schedule. #💩

[Picard Tips @PicardTips]

Picard management tip: The universe is a ridiculous place, but do try to be dignified.

[Mid-Michigan Mom @MidMichiganMom2]

(period cramps also trigger these feelings in me.)

[Mid-Michigan Mom @MidMichiganMom2]

I never understood why men are afraid that feminists are Man Haters.
Having now experienced the innumerable pains and inconveniences of pregnancy, birth & breastfeeding (which of course they did nothing to cause)- I hate men.
#manhater
#birth