Mike Canestaro

I hope I'm not being followed by a state trooper.

[Mike Canestaro @MikeCanestaro]

My backyard has more bugs than Windows ME.

[Mike Canestaro @MikeCanestaro]

I know the data centers are using plenty of water. But are they getting enough electrolytes?

[Mike Canestaro @MikeCanestaro]

I just cooked meals for my Dad for the last 6 hours straight. Never have I more completely understood why some chefs do blow.

[Captain Cartoon @grouptherapytv]

Group Therapy TV: That Comedian, Actor, Director ,Mike Canestaro Intervi... https://t.co/4BMRKnYfnJ via @YouTube New episode drops today at 12 Noon Est With Guest @MikeCanestaro #Podcast #Filmmaking #Filmmaker #daytonohio

[Mike Canestaro @MikeCanestaro]

I’m listening to iHeart ♫ @iHeartRadio https://t.co/a0pX81k2A3

[Mike Canestaro @MikeCanestaro]

If we look on the bright side of things, clouds covering the moon covering the sun is also a form of eclipse. So let's all get out there and enjoy April 8th for the double eclipse! Totally not a disappointment! Let's go! Hell yeah! I'm sad.

[Mike Canestaro @MikeCanestaro]

I thought the Britney Spears knife video was dull.

[Mike Canestaro @MikeCanestaro]

I may have had a couple beers, but I'm pretty sure I just read that UCLA is going to join BRICS.

[Mike Canestaro @MikeCanestaro]

Trailer for my latest feature film project.

#Vimeo https://t.co/HoFtwHhX5Y

[Mike Canestaro @MikeCanestaro]

I'd really like to go to the Barbie movie as Ken, but I don't want to get rid of my penis.

[Mike Canestaro @MikeCanestaro]

Alexa! Remind everyone that artificial intelligence is not new!

[Mike Canestaro @MikeCanestaro]

I don't like when they call it oppressive humidity. Sure, it's highly uncomfortable, but humidity never told me I couldn't vote or some shit.

[Mike Canestaro @MikeCanestaro]

I think tomorrow I'll just leave a beef brisket out in the open air for 12 hours. #CanadianWildfires

[Mike Canestaro @MikeCanestaro]

I'm not ignoring air quality alerts, I'm training my lungs for the super volcano! See you outside!

[Mike Canestaro @MikeCanestaro]

@TheSuzieHunter @McDonalds Tread lightly, it says the word grimace right in the name!

[Mike Canestaro @MikeCanestaro]

I noticed people posting about how they didn't like the Grimace shake. How could they not see this coming? It's right in the name!

Just like the time I went and saw Les Miserables. #grimace

[Mike Canestaro @MikeCanestaro]

I grow plants in my garden so I can kill less animals by eating them. Then, animals will eat my plants and kill my plants which makes me want to kill the animals that killed my plants.

It is a vicious cycle!

[Mike Canestaro @MikeCanestaro]

I miss the days of doing my taxes on paper because back then, I could get away with taking the deduction for being blind.

Box 39a, check this box is you are blind.

I would just put a check mark sort of near the box.

[Mike Canestaro @MikeCanestaro]

In phase two, China will inundate the world with spy cakes.

[Mike Canestaro @MikeCanestaro]

I predict Deion Sanders will be replaced by coach sub-prime. #coachprime