Mike-El

Faster than a speeding puppy, more powerful than a model locomotive, able to leap short distances in a single bound. Truth, justice, and the American way.

[Mike-El @MikeMag03046031]

@SSchmagoogal @isitwokeornot You must have replied to the wrong Tweet. We're talking about Lanterns.

[Mike-El @MikeMag03046031]

@JamesGunn @hbomax I wouldn't say I'll miss it, Bob.

[Mike-El @MikeMag03046031]

@mjarbo Engagement farmer says what?

[Mike-El @MikeMag03046031]

@Meta4icall @ManoloPresas @RealJamesWoods BACON!! 😍

[Mike-El @MikeMag03046031]

@Joe_A_Blevins And the current one is on every channel, every break. 🤪

[Mike-El @MikeMag03046031]

@SHABBAINLA I don't know who it is, but I hate that commercial. I've started flipping the channel the second I hear it.

[Mike-El @MikeMag03046031]

A lot of us can relate to this Texas homeowner! I guess you just have to find that one buyer...

[Nino America @Nino_Merica]

LOCAL MAN DISCOVERS HE IS SECRETLY A REAL ESTATE MOGUL AFTER COUNTY INVENTS $186,000 FOR HIM

MIDLAND, TX — In a stunning financial revelation this week, a local homeowner learned he has apparently made a massive profit without selling anything, receiving any money, or otherwise participating in reality.

“I had no idea I was doing this well,” the man said, reviewing a notice informing him his modest home—purchased for $60,000 in 2009—is now worth $246,000, according to a highly sophisticated system known as “a guy with a clipboard and vibes.”

Despite never listing the property, fielding offers, or seeing so much as a nickel of this newfound wealth, the homeowner confirmed he is now expected to pay taxes as if he recently closed a blockbuster deal.

“I checked my bank account just to be sure,” he said. “Nothing. No mysterious deposit. No wire transfer. Not even a congratulations email. But apparently I’m crushing it.”

County officials reassured residents that the system is working exactly as intended.

“You’re not being taxed on money you have,” one official explained patiently. “You’re being taxed on money you could hypothetically have in an alternate universe where you sold your house but didn’t need a place to live afterward.”

Experts clarified that this differs significantly from other forms of taxation, where individuals are typically taxed on actual income or realized gains.

“For example, if your stock portfolio doubles, you don’t owe taxes until you sell,” said one analyst. “But your home is different because… well… it just is. Please stop asking questions.”

Local residents have reportedly begun experimenting with applying the same logic elsewhere.

“If my neighbor can assign value to my house and bill me for it,” the homeowner said, “I’m assigning value to my free time. I’ve determined the county now owes me $500,000 annually for emotional distress and inconvenience.”

At press time, officials were exploring ways to increase property values even further, noting that if numbers can be written down once, they can absolutely be written down again—higher.

Meanwhile, the homeowner confirmed he is considering selling the property just to finally meet the rich guy everyone keeps telling him he is.

[Mike-El @MikeMag03046031]

@HarleyButterBee @IowaStandard Sounds like he's on paid leave, so he's still collecting...

[Mike-El @MikeMag03046031]

@icecube Glad you and yours are good. 👍

[Mike-El @MikeMag03046031]

Gotta love it! 🇺🇸

[SafetySwipe @SafetyNotorious]

Announcer: “We will not be playing the national anthem. Play ball.”

Americans:

[Mike-El @MikeMag03046031]

@DerrickEvans4WV Portland, good grief. What's in the water there?

Sounds like she's applying to FAFO University.

[Mike-El @MikeMag03046031]

@TRobinsonNewEra So shameful. I thought the newcomers came to join the UK, not take over? Why would the flag be controversial? 🤔

[Mike-El @MikeMag03046031]

@MrAndyNgo Ah, where does the idea gets all its wonderful toys? 🤔

[Mike-El @MikeMag03046031]

@DschlopesIsBack Drama is her specialty.

[Mike-El @MikeMag03046031]

@Rightanglenews Per the PD, he was released to a parent with charges of 3rd degree assault and breach of peace.

No weapon found.

https://t.co/Kg6VGfDUCb

[Mike-El @MikeMag03046031]

@LangmanVince Misery loves company, I guess.

Thanks.

[Mike-El @MikeMag03046031]

@SpatialPhysics @Sadie_NC You forgot the Little Debbie food group. It's not meat, so it's okay.

[Mike-El @MikeMag03046031]

@EYakoby Must be time to rebrand.

[TheLastRefuge @TheLastRefuge2]

Watch Moldova. The election is tomorrow 9/28.

[Mike-El @MikeMag03046031]

@AndrewKolvet Some "Vacationland"!

Doesn't Stephen King live in Maine? 🤔