Mike

About myself in fewer than 160 characters.

[Mike @MikeyGAllen]

My animals are robots. #me.ow

[Mike @MikeyGAllen]

I bet he told her what time it was!

[Mike @MikeyGAllen]

St. Patty's weekend. Next year Dublin #everyonesirish

[Mike @MikeyGAllen]

17 days till I touch down in Ontario @BuckTheo @KirklandMike @elistewart17

[Mike @MikeyGAllen]

A white girl "twerking" is the equivalent of a white man "crip" walking. #youlookstupid

[Rudest Bartender @RudestBartender]

🎶It's goin' down!
You met on Tinder!🎶

Oh shit sorry... Did I just make your first date awkward.

[Mike @MikeyGAllen]

What I do when I'm black out drunk is none of my business

[Mike @MikeyGAllen]

Hide yo kids, hide yo wife, and hide yo barbies cuz they rapin' everyone up in her'

[Rudest Bartender @RudestBartender]

The economy is crap, you continuously complain about not having a job, yet you come in here every night and get wrecked? Good thinking

[Rudest Bartender @RudestBartender]

"Where did my drink go?"
Really? How the fuck should I know?

[Rudest Bartender @RudestBartender]

Every night I make it through without screaming at someone is a miracle.

[Mike @MikeyGAllen]

7 year-old Mike would be so proud to know future Mike did this. #crossitoffthebucketlist

[☆ @whitemustangs]

if someone tells you your clothing style is gay, respond with:

"yeah, it came out of the closet this morning"

[Mike @MikeyGAllen]

Rawr! #bearsharkisreal

[Mike @MikeyGAllen]

#fuckit

[Mike @MikeyGAllen]

"That jagger was going down horribly this morning". @elistewart17

[Mike @MikeyGAllen]

QC

[theCHIVE @theCHIVE]

#MurrayChristmas you filthy animals!

[Mike @MikeyGAllen]

Home

[UberFacts @UberFacts]

The elements glycoprotein and selenium are both found in human semen and can help reduce breast cancer in women by almost 50%.