I was laid off from Twitter this afternoon. I was in charge of managing badge access to Twitter offices.
Elon just called me and asked if I could come back to help them regain access to HQ as they shut off all badges and accidentally locked themselves out.
Listening to Roundabout by Yes in a bowling alley while bowling a strike is a moment I look forward to reliving when my life flashes before my eyes when I die.
All girls on tinder say “teach me to skate” but as soon as I suggest hitting a fakie 360 dickflip into that coochie they all of a sudden don’t wanna learn anymore!? 🤔Women just don’t make sense smh
My favorite part of tinder is spending a while thinking of something clever to say, something different that they probably haven’t heard before, something that will stand out from the hundreds of other guys in there DMs, only to be left in read ✌️🥰