Ministry of Jam UK

British government department responsible for jam innovation and export. Not to be confused with Department of Marmalade. Possibly a parody.

[Ministry of Jam UK @MinistryOfJamUK]

Been a bit of an accident in the warehouse: a shelving unit of Strawberry Delight collapsed with close to 2000 jars destroyed. The floor is sticker than @DamianGreen’s browser history #britishjam

[Ministry of Jam UK @MinistryOfJamUK]

Wow, this is er.... quite the jam we’re in isn’t it? #buyjam #britishjam

[Ministry of Jam UK @MinistryOfJamUK]

Shove a jam jar up it Boris. What happened to your ‘oven ready deal’?! You’re just a lying sack of the smelly stuff. Even jam won’t be able to save us at this rate #britishjam

[Boris Johnson @BorisJohnson]

As things stand we are still very far apart on key issues. There’s still a deal to be done, but the most likely thing is that we've got to be ready for Australia terms on 1st January.

Go to https://t.co/gxJU2BeRs2 to get prepared.

[Ministry of Jam UK @MinistryOfJamUK]

Dominic Cummings has gone?! Oh no! Whatever shall we do without his genius, integrity, selflessness and charm? Celebratory jam for all! #britishjam #cummings

[Ministry of Jam UK @MinistryOfJamUK]

Well bang goes our celebratory line of Chlorinated Chicken and Bacon flavour Marmalade for 2021 #britishjam

[Ministry of Jam UK @MinistryOfJamUK]

We're haviiiiiiiing trouble wriiiiiiiiiiiiting a trade agreement with Tuvalu - the iiiii key iiiiiis stuck. You could say iiiiit's.... jammed #britishjam

[Ministry of Jam UK @MinistryOfJamUK]

Just a reminder that:
1. Jam is your friend
2. Jam tastes good on anything*
3. Boris Johnson is a fraud who bullied and lied his way into a job he cannot do and is taking his orders from disaster capitalists
4. Marmite is vomit in a jar

*except that, weirdo
#britishjam

[Ministry of Jam UK @MinistryOfJamUK]

Don’t worry: we’re working on an amazing deal for multiple cases of Strawberry Surprise and Raspberry Nipple with The People’s Republic of Kent as we speak #Britishjam

[Ministry of Jam UK @MinistryOfJamUK]

Folks, we need to be thinking of other ways in which jam can save our Great British Economy and we believe our friends at @BuyBritishMilk may have a solution. Who’s up for a lovely jam bath? #Britishjam

[Ministry of Jam UK @MinistryOfJamUK]

Let's put it this way: Japan is one thing but wait until you see what we're cooking up with Swaziland! #britishjam

[Ministry of Jam UK @MinistryOfJamUK]

It’s early doors still and we don’t want you to get your hopes up yet but... we’re on the verge of signing an amazing agreement for four crates of strawberry jam per year with an option for five in the second year with Lesotho! #Economysaved #yourewelcome #britishjam

[Ministry of Jam UK @MinistryOfJamUK]

#britishjam

[Nigel Farage @Nigel_Farage]

We are not just getting millions of views, we are now getting big results. A huge thank you from me.

[Ministry of Jam UK @MinistryOfJamUK]

Because you’ve never been caught out lying have you, you drum-banging Pound Shop Enoch Powell. Shove a jam jar up it, Nigel #britishjam

[Nigel Farage @Nigel_Farage]

Once again we have caught out the Home Office.

There are many other hotels in non-major city locations.

Please keep the information coming and I will try to get the other venues closed too.

[Ministry of Jam UK @MinistryOfJamUK]

Good thing your campaign of hate convinced everyone leaving the EU would stop this isn’t it? You’re a lying, inhuman bucket of toss, Farage. No jam for you #britishjam

[Nigel Farage @Nigel_Farage]

Another 150 into Dover yesterday.

Hot air and bluster is all we get from the government.

They don't have a plan and so the humiliation will continue.

[Ministry of Jam UK @MinistryOfJamUK]

How much of the taxpayers’ money did you piss away on lies about Brexit?
How much are you spunking up the wall on Cummings’ wages? Essentially using public money to mislead and outright lie to them... and not a single penny of it spent on promoting jam. Prick
#britishjam

[Boris Johnson @BorisJohnson]

The current planning system wastes time and taxpayers’ money.

That’s why we’re going to cut the red tape, overhaul the planning process and build better, greener homes faster.

https://t.co/5sKx8tYIfa

[Ministry of Jam UK @MinistryOfJamUK]

Hey there @FSMPIO - we think British Jam could be massive in The Federated States of Micronesia, can we put you down for a few thousand sample jars? #britishjam

[Ministry of Jam UK @MinistryOfJamUK]

“You can’t be half in the EU & half out” the problem is the Conservatives who lied consistently to the public to bully the WA through, ignored basic facts and are now trying to back peddle and blame someone else for their own mistakes. Shove a jam jar up it, Iain #britishjam

[Iain Duncan Smith MP Chingford & Woodford Green @MPIainDS]

You can't be half in the EU & half out, the problem is the WA. It costs too much & it denies us true national independence. This WA giving the EU future control over us has to go. Now Britain faces a £160billion #EU loans bill AFTER #Brexit (3/3) https://t.co/DAgVe8idNq

[Ministry of Jam UK @MinistryOfJamUK]

It means we’re ok to sell 12 cases, per year, of Strawberry and Raspberry jam to Nigeria and be grateful they’re chucking a few quid our way #britishjam

[Mike Galsworthy @mikegalsworthy]

What the fuck does “sovereign equals” mean?

[Ministry of Jam UK @MinistryOfJamUK]

Maybe... and this is just a wild, way out there thought... you pricks should’ve read the thing, allowed for a proper debate and vote before pushing it through and patting yourselves on the back for fucking the country in the wrong’un, Iain. Bet you like marmite too #britishjam

[Iain Duncan Smith MP Chingford & Woodford Green @MPIainDS]

To avoid their own budget black hole, the EU gets £39billion as a “divorce payment” from us, reflecting our share of the current EU budget. But it gets worse. Buried in the fine print, unnoticed by many, is the fact we remain hooked into the EU’s loan book. (2/3)

[Ministry of Jam UK @MinistryOfJamUK]

Stop saying “we” as if there’s collective guilt in this. You and your cockwomble mates bullied us into this and suggested it was amazing. Even jam can’t get us out of the mess you twats have thrown us is #britishjam

[Iain Duncan Smith MP Chingford & Woodford Green @MPIainDS]

Whilst the UK wants to have a good trade relationship with the EU as a sovereign state, the EU has different ideas. They want our money and they want to stop us being a competitor. The Withdrawal Agreement (WA) we signed last year sadly helps them. (1/3)