Missionaryface

knew you'll check on my profile, now come inside.

[Missionaryface @Missionaryface_]

Remember to drink alot of water today,you need to dilute those feelings 😂

[Abdulahi Adan @AbdulahiAdan10]

"Nitaingiza mwenyewe!" A man shares screenshot of a Kenyan Senator who is chewing his wife.

[yearner montana🦇 🌴 @sativuuhhh]

masaa unaosha vyombo ndio unaanzanga kurealize vitu fr

[Andrew Kibe @kibeandy]

Joblessness is not a lack of jobs, bro – it’s a state of mind for weak, immature boys who never grew up!

If you want something in this life, you don’t need anybody’s permission, certificate, or that useless degree they’re selling you at campus. The easiest way? Walk into the place you want to work, tell them you’re ready to intern for free, shut up, learn, and start grinding. Simple!
But most of you were raised by mothers who every single day were asking, “My Ka Ryan, what do you want to be when you grow up?” That question alone is what turns boys into jobless adults. It trains you to sit and wait for some magical sign or some paper before you start. That’s why you’re still at home, crying about the economy.
Look at Maina Kageni, my guy! The man has been ruling Radio Africa for over 20 years. Twenty-plus years! Every year universities are vomiting thousands of graduates with degrees in journalism, communication, media studies – all of them “qualified” to replace him. Yet none of them has. Zero!

Experience, consistency, and balls still beat paper every single time. Stop waiting for permission and go get it, or keep crying. Your choice.

[Lydia Warui @LGWarui]

"Pussy yako ikona grip flani nikama inataka kueka mtu hostage" men will say anything to secure a rematch😂😂😂

[Zehrry🌚 @big_zehrry]

Me chilling with that witch aunty everyone in the family warned me about 😂😂

[wanjiruuuuuuuuuuuu @3therealchic]

Nimepewa back shots with my hands and legs tied from behind😭all roads lead to this Meru boy!🤟
Na amesema pole 😹tumerudiana

[Saniya Dhawan @SaniyaDhawan1]

Turns out that uninstalling instagram and not knowing what everyone is upto 24/7, is indeed good for your mental health.

[Môshkï @Mr_Moshki]

Sahi kuna dem ya mtu anapikia salaried nigga akiwa amevaa oversized t shirt yake cum ikidrip kwa mapaja

[Tai Lopez @tailopez]

The universe will delay your money until you fix your discipline.

[Jungle @jwaweruh]

Fade jamo hatari, nakaa Damson Idris, ukiniangalia haraka bila wivu.

[Sunday League @SundayShoutsFC]

This video must never disappear. 🤣😭🇧🇷

[George T. Diano @georgediano]

A certified mumu by the name Jonte is currently breathing fire like a komodo dragon after he invited a yellow-yellow damsel by the name Ifra Olang, to his humble hacienda in Roysambu for what he thought would be a night of merrymaking, bonding, and advanced studies in horizontal engineering.

According to intelligence reports from the Department of Men Affairs here at Kalahari Desert University of Science Technology (K-DUST), Abebo arrived at around 11 p.m. looking innocent enough to be mistaken for a church treasurer.

Our boy immediately switched into husband material mode and prepared a five-star meal featuring Ugali Obambo and premium Kanamba Specioo as the two irrigated their throats while discussing matters of national importance.

Knowing that the night ahead would require strength, stamina & dedication to duty, Jonte reportedly demolished a mountain sized ugali that could comfortably feed a family of six. The boy wanted enough reserves in the tank before kick-off.

Unfortunately, while our son of the soil was busy seasoning meat in the kitchen, Abebo was busy seasoning his drink with the legendary Pishori from KEMSA not mwea. Moments after washing his hands, Jonte started seeing marudurudu. Before he could say "nionjeshe zigo”, he was already halfway to Dreamland negotiating land rates with his forefathers.

Several hours later, he woke up with the energy of a he goat and immediately noticed that his Hacienda was half empty. Abebo had already completed the illegal asset recovery mission and left the venue.

After conducting a quick inventory, Jonte discovered that his 55 inch Samsung TV had secured a transfer, his laptop had migrated, and his OPPO A34 had answered the call of destiny. Yani alimuacha akiwa matako wazi kabisa,, Chesaa!!

Witnesses say the man sat on the edge of the bed staring into the abyss like a philosopher who had just discovered that free things are the most expensive things on earth. Jonte is now appealing to members of the public, village elders, nyumba kumi officials & the ICC for any information that may lead to the whereabouts of the lady so that his electronics can return home safely.

Meanwhile, other men have also emerged claiming that they were also enrolled into the same clearing and forwarding program by Abebo. Investigations indicate that Abebo holds a PhD in Logistics and Supply Chain Management, specializing in Household Asset Relocation.

However, now that the matter has officially reached the Chairperson of Walala Hoii, my intelligence team has assured me that her 40th day is approaching faster than ever before. Huyu tutashika yeye very soon,, Chesaa! Kama kawa sisi walala hoii hatuna maoni, Letu Jicho tu.👀

[Harrismadeit 🇨🇦🇬🇭 @1harrismadeit]

A pastor was caught having sex with someone’s wife in church. This generation is cooked!

[THE SEASON @castrofy26]

It is the confidence for me 🤣

[Ibrahim Koros @Ibrahkiprotich]

Ati kuna google meetings Mnaingia alafu at the end of it unakanjwa $15 zako safi, wueeeh
Hapo ukiwa na emails kama 20 za yues uingie meeting nazo, hapo utakua umeunda $300 yako safi
Shida ni ati sina info ya vile mtu anaeza join izo meetings, bado natafuta info. Msee ako na leads ani DM

[WILLY @YesuMkenya]

Nijikute Tena

[Interesting AF @interesting_aIl]

Perfect way to tuck in your shirt

[GNF SULTAN🥷⏳🤍 @GNFSULTAN]

One face everyone recognizes. No explanations required 😂😂😂

[ONJOLO KENYA🇰🇪 @onjolo_kenya]

The Kenyan X algorithm is not complicated.

Post during morning commute. 6am to 9am.

Post during lunch. 12pm to 2pm.

Post during evening traffic. 5pm to 8pm.

Nairobi is stuck in traffic twice a day.

That is your audience window.

Talk about politics. Money. Relationships. Football. And anything Ruto did today.

Reply fast. Quote tweet strategically.

The algorithm rewards conversation not just content.

Stop posting and disappearing.

Kenyan X is not a billboard. It is a bar.