Mister Hand

Query trench lifer. Featured in McSweeney’s:

[Mister Hand @MisterHand1]

My first ever Substack post! I hope it's easier to read than it was to write. #amquerying #writingcommunity #writerslife

WHY I WILL PROBABLY NEVER GET A LITERARY AGENT https://t.co/4dVsO9VGFq

[Mister Hand @MisterHand1]

@DanahAALLL The only time I nudged on an initial query was when it was the last outstanding query I had before I would have shelved. Was told it was still under consideration. Eventually got a full request and an R&R from it. But otherwise I file as CNR and move on.

[Mister Hand @MisterHand1]

@Louie_Dobson_ Suggestions:

1. A copy of his favorite movies/TV show/album so he can watch/listen and enjoy the extra features/liner notes.

2. An absurd amount of his favorite treat, like a 3 lb. Candy bar or 100 cookies.

3. Show him the acknowledgment you’ve written for him in your book.

[Rep. Jack Kimble @RepJackKimble]

I’m sorry, but sterilizing flies isn’t the answer to screwworms. We need abstinence only programs.

[Mister Hand @MisterHand1]

@dawnfeatherauth 10% is amazing, especially on that number of queries.

[Mister Hand @MisterHand1]

@xoxoLibro @LucienneDiver Is that a typo, or did you keep track of time in the trenches based on how often they made you cry? Either way, valid.

[Mister Hand @MisterHand1]

@70ms A Wikipedia search would answer your questions.

[Mister Hand @MisterHand1]

@MikeResists1969 Satire account.

[Mister Hand @MisterHand1]

@ChristineNanfra Shortest time was 2 days. Longest was 11 months. And I’ve been ghosted on 23% of my requests, so be prepared for that unfortunate reality.

I’d also suggest setting up an email just for querying and turn on notifications to keep from constantly refreshing.

[Mister Hand @MisterHand1]

@CarterNixon @sleepylagoonie “Well, my backhand’s improved.”

[Mister Hand @MisterHand1]

@rightfieldsux @ChiSoxFanMike I did. The October tweet is about how happy Sox fans are when the Cubs lose.

I don’t mind when Cubs fans talk trash about Sox fans. But you guys make more posts claiming not to care about the Sox than about the teams you do claim to care about: Cardinals, Brewers, etc.

[Mister Hand @MisterHand1]

@rightfieldsux @ChiSoxFanMike I guess we also played you in March, October, December…

[Rep. Jack Kimble @RepJackKimble]

Very disappointed by the crowd’s reaction. I get it: I’m jealous of the young woman that gets to watch the game right next to Trump. But that’s no reason to boo her. Do better, Knicks fans.

[Mister Hand @MisterHand1]

@Louie_Dobson_ Love the montage to Erasure’s A Little Respect

[Mister Hand @MisterHand1]

@Jessicawhippl17 More queries and probably fewer agents.

[Mister Hand @MisterHand1]

If you’re keeping score at home and/or slowly dying inside, the QueryTracker request rate dropped another tenth, to 3.8%

#amquerying #writingcommunity

[Mister Hand @MisterHand1]

#amquerying #writingcommunity

Two years ago the request rate on Querytracker was 5.5%. Today it's 3.9%. That means a 29% drop in requests.

It also means we need to reevaluate the metrics we use to evaluate a query, because any numbers used in 2024 are already dated.

[Mister Hand @MisterHand1]

@kcharper613 In six weeks, you got 17 requests and multiple offers, including one from a referral. Serious question: what part about that sucked?

[Mister Hand @MisterHand1]

@brecht_dp 3, and I managed to tie the record two days in a row once.

[Mister Hand @MisterHand1]

@aidenrodolfo And this is called satire.

[Mister Hand @MisterHand1]

@nerdytogether It’s a satire account.