Heather Halls-Dann ♥️🇪🇺 😷

Mrs @mooseade Coffee Powered, Sewist

[Rob B @RobBfromDerby]

I have today been refused a yacht purely on the basis that I don’t have enough money to meet their purchase price criteria. Instead, they have offered me alternative boating facilities - in the form of a pedalo. I expect an apology and the person in charge to be sacked at once.

[Heather Halls-Dann ♥️🇪🇺 😷 @Mistress_Kitten]

@xboxuk @surreycricket I think the creepers would be best on the boundary. Because reasons.

[dave ❄️ 🥕 🧻 @mrdavemacleod]

BREAKING: the boss of Tesco has just resigned because Nigel Farage couldn't find any tins of pea and ham soup at his local branch

(more updates as we get them from Sky, GB News, the BBC, the Mail, Telegraph and every news outlet known to mankind)

[John Burn-Murdoch @jburnmurdoch]

NEW: 85 people in Arizona suffered severe burns from contact with pavements heated up to 180F (82C). 7 of them died. In total, 257 people had underlying cause of death listed as "exposure to excessive natural heat".

This is not a forecast for 50 years time, it’s happening today.

[Count Binface @CountBinface]

In a field of 17 candidates, I came 8th. And for the second time in three years, I beat UKIP and Piers Corbyn in a democratic election. If that’s not a sign of hope, nothing is.

[Thoughts of Dog @dog_feelings]

on special occasions. during car rides. we go around a little loop. talk to a robot. and then they give us things. sometimes they give me a cup of whipped cream. with a fancy italian name. and i absolutely lose my mind

[Jamie Mayerfeld 🏳️‍🌈 @jmayerfeld]

Nazi Germany in 1942: "Never forget that England imposed this war on us." It is standard for aggressors to present themselves as victims and their victims as aggressors. Today, Russia falsely claims to be the victim of Ukraine, misdescribed as the spearhead of Western aggression.

[Gabrielius Landsbergis🇱🇹 @GLandsbergis]

9 years ago Putin's thugs shot down MH17. He blamed it on Ukraine, he spat out ridiculous and conflicting denials, he never showed any regret.
Countless warcrimes later, some still believe it is possible to "negotiate peace" with that kind of person.
No, it is not.

[Joanne Harris @Joannechocolat]

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he'll live in debt for the rest of his life, while a man who was taught Latin at Eton and Classical History at Oxford becomes Minister For Fisheries.

[Daniel Powell @danieljpowell]

If you are curious about a way Hollywood hits that make WAY more than they cost still somehow “lose” money, thus denying profit participation to the creators, here’s one: (🧵…)

[BladeoftheSun @BladeoftheS]

That horrible guy who has been posting lies in The Sun has been banned from running any companies in New Zealand.

RT if you think we should follow the Kiwi’s and ban Rupert Murdoch.

[Otto English @Otto_English]

In actual news, WhatsApp messages sent to and by Boris Johnson have still not been handed over to the Covid inquiry.

This is the ACTUAL news and this disgrace is being overshadowed completely by something else.

https://t.co/Db9oz5Zo4a

[Larry the Cat @Number10cat]

If the horridness of the last few days is to have any salvation it should be to teach us that jumping to conclusions without knowing the facts is a dangerous thing and that deciding someone is guilty of hideous things, because a questionable source suggests they are is unwise.

[Larry the Cat @Number10cat]

Naming his child FAO: Johnson is one way to get him to pay attention I suppose

[ryan 🚩 @ryxnf]

idk this seems worse

[Craig. @bambibristol]

Nadine Dorries has now been quitting longer than Liz Truss was ‘leading’

[Heather Halls-Dann ♥️🇪🇺 😷 @Mistress_Kitten]

@muckypup Where might one find this game? I could spend hours coming up with "wrong answers only" solutions.

[Larry the Cat @Number10cat]

Knowing this government their next step will be an instruction to replace them with murals of Bambi’s dead mother and the Child-catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

[Deb @muckypup]

OH MY GOD. A thunderbug swarm has descended and all surfaces of my house (including me) have suddenly been covered in thousands of the tiny fuckers.

I AM NOT HAVING FUN.

[Larry the Cat @Number10cat]

Reset the clock