Mitchelloid

[Mitchelloid @MitchellHunter3]

Hammer is no longer a thing used to hit things, it is a thing which increases the ham level of other things. Thanks for your time

[brandAn is good @LeBearGirdle]

The Grinch: I'm not a fan of the materialism of Christmas

An entire town for some reason: I hope he dies alone

[clay ⛷️ @hanfjob]

autism be damned that boy can perform cunnilingus

[Mitchelloid @MitchellHunter3]

New official white dude handshake just dropped

It's that thing where one dude offers a fist bump and one a high five but then they both change to match the other guy, digging deeper.
The shameful eye contact as the crushing disappointment settles upon you both is important

[𝓝𝓮𝔀𝓼 Dan Scavino Jr.🇺🇸🦅 @DanScavinoTNews]

Nancy Reagan when she sees Henry Kissinger come thru the gates to hell

[Mitchelloid @MitchellHunter3]

Feelin a little big for my britches lately. Rather than convince myself it's the entitlement talking like usual, i think its time to find some new fucking britches.

[Mitchelloid @MitchellHunter3]

Something doesn't feel right.. but i don't know enough about feeling right to dispute it

[Mitchelloid @MitchellHunter3]

All i did was ask him not to be such a dumbfuck all the time. How is that HR worthy and being a dumbfuck all the time is not??

[Mitchelloid @MitchellHunter3]

HAH! Buddy, you think YOU got it bad??

That's a valid feeling friend and I genuinely hope it gets better for u

[Mitchelloid @MitchellHunter3]

@mmagpie92 I'm signing this petition. And then twice more with fake names

[Mitchelloid @MitchellHunter3]

Every day i wake up it's harder than the last to convince myself that i am not four to seven raccoons in a trench coat

[Mitchelloid @MitchellHunter3]

Big Friday Vibes on this here thursday. Maybe the full moon? Maybe the fact that it's looking like warmer weather? Either way soMEone's buttcheeks are bout to be out

[Rubsomedirtonit™️ @_rubdirtonit]

me: i need to leave early
boss: why
me: i don’t like it here

[Mitchelloid @MitchellHunter3]

"Hey man so uhhh, the drywallers broke one of your temp outlets"
They.. they what?
"Yeah, i don't even know."

[Jessica McCabe @HowtoADHD]

I just came up with the term “the brain screamies” to describe rumination and I can’t stop laughing

#writerlife

[Mitchelloid @MitchellHunter3]

I nominate "cost of living" as the single most dystopian, fucked up phrase we've ever come up with

[Mitchelloid @MitchellHunter3]

Hell ya I fucked up. And I'm going to CONTINUE fucking up until I get it right.

[Mitchelloid @MitchellHunter3]

BALD EEL

[Night Vale podcast @NightValeRadio]

Unfortunately, *gestures around at just kind of all of it*

[Mitchelloid @MitchellHunter3]

5 word horror stories were popular a while ago and i always really liked them. Anyway, here's my submission:
My electrician coworker is colorblind.