@MomAndOrMeg

I’m new to the parent thing. I made a Twitter account to let my #mombrain run free.

[@MomAndOrMeg @MomAndOrMeg]

One of the best things about being a #SAHM is now never setting my phone alarm clock for the mornings.

One of the worst things about it is that my new alarm clock is just a slow rise crying coming from the other room.

#goodmorning #tears #babylife

[@MomAndOrMeg @MomAndOrMeg]

God forbid you ever have an issue with @jcpenney @jcpportraits! I’ve officially spent more time trying to resolve my problem via their live chat and phone customer service than I did all day at that studio. At least an hour and NO help. V disappointed.

[Snarky Mommy @SnarkyMommy78]

Before having kids I expected to be sleep deprived for the first year, maybe two years tops. I was wrong. So so wrong.

[@MomAndOrMeg @MomAndOrMeg]

When you’re putting the baby down to nap and hear the unattended three year old turning on the water in the kitchen.
#praywithme

[@MomAndOrMeg @MomAndOrMeg]

“I’m gunna kill you!” -three year old

What. Oh man. Where did you hear that kid?

“I don’t know… the Home Alone movie?”

Oh… yeah…

#parentingfail #christmas

[@MomAndOrMeg @MomAndOrMeg]

I haven’t slept for more than 7 hours straight in one year. Usually I wake up 3-4 times a night due to CHILDREN. I think I’m slowly dying. #birthcontrol

[@MomAndOrMeg @MomAndOrMeg]

My three year old told me this morning that I “smell like a pumpkin. But not in a good way.” #goodmorning

[@MomAndOrMeg @MomAndOrMeg]

If you ever want to get punched in the eye before 7 am, have a kid.

[@MomAndOrMeg @MomAndOrMeg]

The only parties I go to now are children’s birthday parties #Lit

[@MomAndOrMeg @MomAndOrMeg]

#LifeWithTwoKids

Husband: are you going to call my mom to have her help out tomorrow?

Me: no I think I was going to try to manage the baby and kid by myself this time.

Husband: it’s your funeral.

Oh the confidence! 🤷🏽‍♀️😆

[Dana Schwartz - on hiatus @DanaSchwartzzz]

I don't want to be friends with anyone who had a good middle school experience

[@MomAndOrMeg @MomAndOrMeg]

😳

[@MomAndOrMeg @MomAndOrMeg]

I want an orange. No not that one. Don’t open it like that. Peel it like this. Don’t break it. Break it. No open it like THIS. Just one piece. No you can’t have any. Have some. Have this one.

Now I don’t want it.

[@MomAndOrMeg @MomAndOrMeg]

@LifeThrewLemons My kid looks at my nightstand every morning and tries calling me out on my late night snacks.

[Momsense Ensues @momsense_ensues]

Why are kids so gross and why do I have to keep saying, “don’t lick that!” and how do kids not get more diseases?

[@MomAndOrMeg @MomAndOrMeg]

Possibly followed by: “please sit down”

[@MomAndOrMeg @MomAndOrMeg]

What phrase do you use more than any other with your #toddler? I’m so curious! #kids #toddlerlife

[@MomAndOrMeg @MomAndOrMeg]

Mine is: “are you okayyyy?!?”

[Not Another Pinterest Mom @xennial_mom]

Sorry about 2's behavior, he seems to be going through a very difficult developmental period where he's an asshole

[@MomAndOrMeg @MomAndOrMeg]

Convo with Kiddo (3)
L: how’s the baby going to come out?
Me: well there are 3 holes by your privates... (explains important stuff quickly/simply)
L: but that hole is too small there. Tiny! *Shakes head in disbelief*
Me: you’re telling me girl! Oh, I mean it’s amazing isn’t it?

[@MomAndOrMeg @MomAndOrMeg]

@threetimedaddy Does an app count? 😬