Mommy Boobs

From motor boat to Row Row Row Your Boat

[Mommy Boobs @MommyBoobs]

Ok, I'm about to burst. Hurry, run into Victoria's Secret and allow me to spray down a fitting room #nobodyputsmeinafittingroom

[Mommy Boobs @MommyBoobs]

Calm down, small human. I've got your milk! It just flows less easily through SCABS!!! #howboutalittleappreciation

[Mommy Boobs @MommyBoobs]

Here's the part where I cry for no reason while baby's feeding. It's not you baby, it's me. No, it's definitely you.

[Mommy Boobs @MommyBoobs]

In a perfect world, my nipples wouldn't look like a Bloomin' Onion from Chilis.

[Mommy Boobs @MommyBoobs]

That "hand express" thing you're doing is weird and awkward. Pretty sure you're hand services are more needed somewhere else. #poorhusband

[Mommy Boobs @MommyBoobs]

@tlposein thank you! Glad you like my tweets. Just needed to express myself, you know. And this time, without a pump.

[Mommy Boobs @MommyBoobs]

This baby is really cute, but can't nurse for SHIZZ. #LooksAreNotEverything

[Mommy Boobs @MommyBoobs]

Fever. Chills. Lumps. Pain. MISERY! This thing they call mastitis can SUCK IT! #ThisIsSoNotOk

[Mommy Boobs @MommyBoobs]

I've grown 3 cup sizes. I'm HUGE! Jenna Jameson huge. I feel like two naughty, ripe watermelons on a farm. Someone get me some gingham!

[Mommy Boobs @MommyBoobs]

Ain't no type of training bra could have prepared me for this battle. #ISurrender

[Mommy Boobs @MommyBoobs]

The husband wanted to "get some". He got some...milk...in his face. #MilkLetDownDuringNookie #ThatsHot

[Mommy Boobs @MommyBoobs]

I smell like coleslaw. Get this cabbage off of me. #ModernMedicine

[Mommy Boobs @MommyBoobs]

The milk is gone and alas, so is the party. My soufflés have turned into Indian flatbread. I miss the baby sucking on me. Teeth and all.

[Mommy Boobs @MommyBoobs]

I'm BLEEDING! As in, there is blood coming out of my nipples. And I'm to keep feeding the baby? Someone punch baby daddy in the neck.

[Mommy Boobs @MommyBoobs]

Yo, it's called teeth coming-in. I'm out! #ImNotAChewToy

[Mommy Boobs @MommyBoobs]

Proud of myself for hanging in with this breastfeeding thing so long. But, also not trying to be a hero. Time to wean.

[Mommy Boobs @MommyBoobs]

Trying not to get thrush. Sitting in my room air-drying. With my top down screaming out money ain't a thang. #JayZ

[Mommy Boobs @MommyBoobs]

This milk thing takes the sexy out of my big jugs. Sad. All I can wear these days are full-coverage bras from the 1960's Platex catalog.

[Mommy Boobs @MommyBoobs]

Fenugreek tea to increase my milk supply? Um, nothing's happened other than I smell like maple syrup. Hocus Pocus, people.

[Mommy Boobs @MommyBoobs]

I've grown 3 cup sizes. I'm HUGE! Like pornstar huge. I feel like two naughty, ripe watermelons on a farm. Someone get me some gingham!